


Hanging By a Single Thread

by fiadhfajita



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, please read them, tags on each one shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:56:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 37,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27665054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiadhfajita/pseuds/fiadhfajita
Summary: A series of Miraith one-shots that tell the story of Wraith and Mirage's budding relationship.[They all connect, so can be read either separately or as one long fic, summaries and warnings are at the top of each chapter.]
Relationships: Mirage | Elliott Witt/Wraith | Renee Blasey
Comments: 5
Kudos: 53





	1. Lift Yourself Up Off the Floor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: She’s always strong, stoic, silent. But today she’s pale and scattered and has almost gotten herself killed three times already. All pale skin and sweaty, yet as Elliott watches her closely, he swears he can see her shivering.   
> Or.   
> The one where Wraith is sick but is too stubborn to admit it. Mirage takes care of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This changes point of views half way, I feel like it’s a natural change, but honestly I started off writing as Mirage, but it didn’t suit where I wanted to go, plus I really wanted to have a crack at the voices, so I switched. Sorry, I hope it doesn’t throw everything off, this is my first Apex fic. I always seem to write a sick!fic first as for some reason that helps me get into the headspace of the characters better. I’m weird, sorry.

-0-

Wraith was always the strong, stoic and silent type, but today she was pale and scattered and whatever was bothering her had almost gotten her killed three times already. Her skin was pale and sweaty but as Elliott watched her closely could swear she was shivering.

“You doing ok over there?” he asked. Administering a shield battery stolen from a dead enemy’s box he narrowed his eyes at her .

“Three squads left, Mirage, we have a job to do.” The reply came through clenched teeth, though in annoyance or pain Elliott wasn’t entirely sure.

It was all a game out there in the ring, they both knew that. Everyone came back afterwards, beaten and sore, but alive. The deaths aren’t real, just a state of limbo until after the winner is decided but that doesn’t mean they don’t care about winning, losers are eventually sent home from the games. Some people didn’t go home at all, not really. No matter how the games were played, it was still a bloodsport. Killing in cold blood wasn’t easy, feeling yourself hurt time or downed time after time fucked them all up. The pain and fear they felt when downed and bleeding out was the same as if you were actually dying.

They both needed the games in one way or another. He’d seen it first hand from family members, life afterward was different. Although the deaths weren’t real, the injuries were. They had all signed up for a reason and it wasn’t just easy money any more.

Wraith was there for answers, trying desperately to piece together any links to her past that could be found within the arenas. He to try and make his mother proud, when she knew who he was that is.

Their third, Lifeline, a young combat medic had joined out of a need to prove herself.

“She be lookin’ sick, and not the type our med kits can fix.”

Ajay’s comment was flippant and held no malice, but the glare it received from the aforementioned party was almost enough to send her into the void without any help. Lifeline didn’t cow down to it though, pocketing some extra ammo and a new hop up for her triple take with a small smile.

“Playing whilst you want to vomit, we’ve all been there. Not fun. Usually more alcohol involved though, unless you’re sneaking tipples when no one’s looking.”

“M’fine, let’s go.” Wraith’s hair was messy, always up in a bun or ponytail, but today it seemed to be escaping from every side of her head. Sticking to her forehead.

It had almost gotten her killed once this match, Mirage thought, flopping down into her eyes and sending her running headlong into an angry Loba. He’d taken care of her from a rooftop above. The Loba was the last of that squad.

Then there had been the portal ending at the edge of a ship and almost launching them off the map. The third strike was accidentally void running into the middle of a three squad battle instead of just waiting for the rest of her team. Mirage had dragged her back out of it barely, but when questioned, her answer had been that she lost her grip on the void.

It just wasn’t like her. She may have been brave to a fault, but she wasn’t careless.

And now, with another battle raging around them, they had mere seconds to recoup their composure before it would be time to go out there and face the final squad. They wouldn’t give the final squad a chance to recover like they themselves had time to now. As soon as the announcement of two squads left came over the loudspeakers, they would go in all guns blazing hoping to catch the other team weak.

Which they did.

It should have been an easy wipe. The Octane was a one shot and down, the Pathfinder was quick but not able to keep up with the incessant fire of both Mirage and Wraith aimed at him simultaneously. Her aim was off, arms flashing the purple smoke that he associated with the void and her shield was all but gone from damage done to her. Normally he’d see her flashing in and out of the void. Today she was stood still, an easy target. 

“Witt, I can’t find the third. Neither of these have self revives so where the fuck are they?” Wraith snapped, tone harsh from the heat of the moment rather than annoyance. “Voices, now would be perfect time to be use-”

Her statement was never finished. The flash of a bullet hitting her shoulder combined with a silencer sent her staggering backwards towards the ground. Her whole body spasmed an uncontrolled mixture of purple and orange. When she didn’t immediately jump back up Elliott felt his heart sink, but Lifeline pinging the location of the Revenant dragged him out of his own head. Suddenly he was all action, putting himself between Wraith and the Revenant he emptied a full clip of his Spitfire into the advancing opponent .

Between himself and Ajay the final opposing player fell, Mirage turning to celebrate with Wraith who though downed before, would now be able to rise again.

But she didn’t.

The silencer had worn off, but she remained huddled in the foetal position against the nearby building, her whole body crackling with sparks of the void. Parts of her flickered as though it called to her but she couldn’t quite grasp it.

“Wraith?” Mirage asked, rushing over to her, suddenly terrified. “What’s going on?”

“My head, I can’t,” she replied shakily, “I just need to go. Please. Home.”

“Okay. It’s ok I got you,” Mirage told her softly, sliding his arms beneath her body and lifting her, always surprised by how slight she was. It spoke volumes to how she felt that instead of protesting and making a damsel joke, she just crushed her eyes closed and curled herself into his chest, her fists clenched and her small frame shaking as she appeared to fight the void.

“I can’t control it, the voices, make them stop. Make them stop, please, Elliott make it stop.”

Her voice was quiet, but nearing hysterical as Wraith repeated her plea over and over. Mirage couldn’t remember if he’d ever seen her like this. Wraith with a cold was growly and irritated, but this was different. 

“We need to go now,” Ajay told him sternly, “she needs to be somewhere dark and quiet. I’ve seen her like this before.”

Mirage nodded, following her without question towards the drop ship waiting to take them home. Wraith mumbled incoherently the whole way, flinching when she was jostled. Sometimes the moment sent her fully into the void and Mirage would stumble without the weight, before she re-appeared a second or two later. The drop ship seemed to take a lifetime to arrive, but they both hurried on board and over to the small med bay. Ajay pulled back the sheets on the gurney and motioned for Mirage to lay Wraith down but the small raven haired woman shook her head frantically and clung to his clothing pushing her face further into his chest as though she could hide from whatever it was that ailed her.

Looking over at Lifeline he shrugged helplessly and took a seat on the floor, knees bent to support Wraith’s body. She seemed calmer on the ship, but her whole frame trembled and sweat dotted her forehead. The mumbling had ceased, but her breathing was laboured.

“You said you’ve seen this before? What the hell is this?” Mirage asked, gently tucking a few stray hairs behind the ear of the woman in his arms.

“She’s sick, she don’t treat it, the voices get annoyed and she over strains herself trying to outrun her own head. It’s harder to control the void when she’s sick, so the voices get worse, she wears herself out trying to control the phasing and shutting everything else out. She don’t like to take the sleeping pills because they make her feel out of control. Usually ends in a migraine like this. We’re not sure if it’s actually a migraine, but that’s the closest we can come to guessing what it is.” Lifeline held out a small bottle of cloudy water to him. “There’s some painkillers in there, see if she’ll drink any.”

Mirage took it, thinking that feeding an angry alligator with a toothpick might be safer than trying to bottle feed Wraith. Surprisingly she uncurled enough to take it from him, downing a few gulps before handing it back to him with a small _thank you_ that he was pretty sure was directed towards Lifeline more than him.

Whatever was in there had to be strong because within a few minutes he could feel the body in his arms relaxing. Wraith’s head fell onto his upper arm tiredly and Mirage saw with some relief that she was unconscious.

“You spike that with sleeping pills?”

“Nah, she’d just exhausted herself to the point that as soon as the voices quietened, her brain shut down. You’ve never seen this before?”

Elliott shook his head. “You think she willingly lets people see this side of it any more? When I first met her I saw the pain she was in, but nothing like this. We’ve talked about the past before and all the theories she has based on what she’s learnt within the games, but she never really shares what it all costs her. How did you see it?”

Wraith and Lifeline were friends, but he wouldn’t have called them necessarily _close_. He had known Wraith before the games, they’d had each other’s back for as long as he could remember even in the first days when she would show up at his bar confused and alone. At that point she hadn’t even known her own name, who she was, where she’d come from.

Just a lonely woman with crazy abilities haunted by voices from a past that she couldn’t even remember.

_How can I feel so alone when I feel like I’m never alone? I”m supposed to believe that I’m not insane when I woke up in a mental asylum hearing voices with the ability to travel into a universe that I’m not sure even really exists?_

She had had control of the void then, could use it if she wanted, but most of her control had gone into suppressing it as opposed to harnessing it. Working with the void and the voices had only become something she considered after escaping the asylum when they both learned about the games and their potential link to her past.

But still, Wraith had acquaintances, not friends. Everyone was kept at arms length and even though Mirage realised that he knew her better than most, he also knew that she would never have willingly shown herself to anyone in this state.

“I looked through the medical files when I joined the squad. Apex keeps records and treatments. I figured there was no way she could use all of her abilities and not come out with some kind of issues,” Ajay commented lightly, “wanted to make sure I wasn’t about to team up with a loose cannon.”

A loose cannon she definitely wasn’t. Or, well, not _normally,_ Mirage thought. Even battling sickness and a crippling migraine without full control of her abilities she was still a force to be reckoned with.

But now, looking down at her laying limp across his lap, he didn’t think he’d ever seen her look so small and vulnerable. Gone were all the hard lines and snark that she wore like a second shield. She trusted him, _had trusted him_ to protect her enough to not give in to the void as soon as she was downed. Her shoulder would be a mess of bruises under her suit but they could deal with that tomorrow. For now Elliott felt content to sit quietly and hold her whilst the drop ship sped towards their outreach compound where she could be properly checked out.

\- O -

Wraith groaned as she came to, the throbbing in her head protesting to the daylight around her.

_They’re watching you. Run._

Without even thinking she jumped, fully meaning to phase and move but stopping when a set of hands gripped her shoulders and a familiar voice appeared.

“You’re safe, it’s me, Elliott, you’re at my house and you’re safe.”

Her eyes flew open, vision fuzzier than she would have liked, but relaxed as she caught sight of her squad mate hovering above her. He released her shoulders and took a step back and she exhaled a breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding.

_Watching you. Not clear. Not familiar. Not safe._

Wraith rubbed her forehead and tried to ignore the incessant gibberish inside of her head fighting to be heard over the throbbing pain. The voice was always a little confused after a migraine, nothing ever felt safe to it. A constant bubble of anxious energy that she wished would stop if only to release the already aching muscles in her shoulders. Her lungs felt as though they were on fire, burning with every breath and she just felt weak. It wasn’t a feeling she was used to, nor liked. 

“How did I get here? We were in the drop ship?”

She couldn’t remember ever feeling as crappy as she did right now, just from an illness anyway. The painkillers Ajay had given her had worked wonders to relax her enough to quieten the voices. though, she definitely hadn’t meant to fall asleep on Mirage.

Fuck. Wraith felt her cheeks redden slightly at the memory.

_He likes you._

_“_ You passed out in the ship on the way back to the compound. They said that you had a fever, but that you have the flu combined with dehydration. That plus the exhaustion and the migraine on top of that just caused your body to go into shutdown. Not even your abilities could protect you from that and at that point the lack of control over them was actually making things worse. You really did a number on yourself kid.” Elliott’s voice was kind but his eyes gave away worry. “They’ve signed us off for the next two weeks, until you can get yourself back up on your feet. We need you firing on all cylinders if we’re going to win.”

_You scared him._

Wraith groaned and rolled to push herself up into a sitting position, hating the way her head swam at the movement.

“Two weeks? How long was I out?”

“You’ve been asleep since yesterday afternoon, probably around 20 hours. I woke you once to drink something and take the antibiotics the med team gave you but even then you didn’t really seem awake. I was worried you’d choke for a little while.” A small smile flickered across his face, breaking the tense lines.

He held out a bottle of water to her and she took it gratefully, the coolness soothing her dry throat. Her legs itched to move, but she knew it wasn’t a good idea.

“Well, you haven’t killed me yet,” Wraith gave a small laugh and was rewarded by a beaming smile in return, the usual Elliott returning.

“I could if I wanted to, but if I did, I wouldn’t take you out whilst you were too sick to fight back. Right now I’m pretty sure I could knock you down with a feather.”

She rolled her eyes at him but secretly was glad to hear his snark. This was who they were, sarcasm and easy threats that they both knew would never come to fruition.

_He likes you. No…_

Stop.

_No, he loves you. You don’t know how to though. You don’t see it._

Enough!

_He sees you._

“I have to go to the bathroom,” Wraith said quickly, jumping up and trying to ignore the wave of nausea that came with the movement. She should eat. When was the last time she ate?

She shook her head trying to clear the fog and her own thoughts. _And damnit Mirage don’t jump up and look like that, like you’re going to catch me, all perfectly crumpled in your sweatpants with your deep cut Henley when the voices are professing your love for me._

“I don’t feel so good.”

“What can I get you?” Mirage asked, standing beside her, one hand lightly touching the underside of her left elbow. She thought that she should pull away, but she found that she didn’t really want to.

“I need-” Wraith looked around desperately, one hand flying to her stomach as it churned and she realised she wasn’t going to make it to the bathroom.

Elliott was quicker than she could have imagined, pushing a garbage pail towards her as she staggered back onto the sofa she had been sleeping on and vomited into the bin. The only thing coming back was bile from the water she’d drank minutes earlier, but still her stomach tried to expel more. It hurt, god it hurt.

Every muscle in her body protested and Wraith heard herself let out a sob. She felt the sofa dip beside her, a cautious hand settling onto her back and stroking gently through the material of whichever of his shirts he’d dressed her in. They’d done this before, when they’d first met and she’d tried to drink herself through her pain.

He looked after her.

No questions, just a steady hand grounding her.

Most touch made her recoil, but she’d always found this different. _Elliott was different._ He was allowed to see her like this even though he didn’t realize it. The voices were wrong, she does see it. She does see how he loves her and she does know how to love him back, Wraith just isn’t sure it’s that kind of love that they both need from each other.

She could hear him speaking to her, whispered utterances of _it’s ok. You’re ok, I’m here._ And for some reason that made her want to sob even more. Despite having slept for so long Wraith was exhausted. Bone weary. Tired of fighting to maintain control of herself constantly, tired of fighting for answers that just seemed to hurt her even more than she had imagined they could.

When she was sure that her stomach had settled she grabbed a tissue to wipe her mouth and took a small sip of water, feeling it slide down her throat into her painfully empty middle and praying it stayed there. Mirage’s hand slid down to rub her upper arm, his own arm resting across her shoulders and making it all too easy for her to just lean into him. And she did. Tucking herself into his larger frame and turning her nose into the side of his chest, burrowing into the scent that was comfortingly _him_. Everything about Elliott made it easy for her to lean on him, even though no one else did. They all just saw him as the air headed fuckboy he portrayed to the rest of the world, but no. That was Mirage.

Elliott Witt was a different person entirely.

Elliott Witt had pulled her out of so many dark places that being here, with her head resting against his shoulder, felt impossibly natural. And when he leaned back, pulling her down with him to lie with her body pressed up against his side, she felt safer than she had in a while.

The voices were silent for once. He quietened them, put her mind so at ease that they had nothing to say.

“How about, we just stay here for a little while and then I’ll make you some soup ok? No more sudden movements,” Elliott murmured, Wraith feeling his voice rumble through his chest where her ear was pushed against it.

She nodded slowly and curled herself into him, closing her eyes and just letting herself be for a moment.

Yes, she hated being sick. But she knew she had him to look after her for however long he wanted to be around.

Alone they were terrible at taking care of themselves, but together? No matter what their relationship, she knew that they’d always have each other’s backs. Whether it be making chicken soup, or taking out enemy after enemy in the games. In love, or friends. Wraith wasn’t sure she was quite ready for the in love part, though she knew in some form she did love him. But she had never been so grateful to have him around.

With the warmth of him surrounding her, Wraith let her weary body drift towards sleep, fingers wrapped up in his clothes and wrist touching the bare skin between his shirt and sweatpants.

_You do love him. You just can’t admit it yet._

-O-


	2. Lift Yourself Up Off the Floor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -o-
> 
> Summary: Night terrors about events she can’t recall are plaguing Wraith and some nights she just can’t bear to be alone.
> 
> Warning for: ptsd, panic attack, nightmares
> 
> A few important things: 
> 
> 1\. The title isn’t capitalized purely because I didn’t like how it looked on the screen when I capitalized it. It’s 2am and this baby ficlet was stopping me from sleeping so here we are.   
> 2\. I gave Mirage a dog. Just because. He’ll be a recurring character.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> -o-

-o-

The nights she wakes up screaming over things she can’t even remember are the worst. She doesn’t know what she dreamed about or why they terrify her so badly. Wraith isn’t sure which is worse, the not knowing, or the trauma of what is out of her reach but seems so close that her fingertips could almost brush it if she stretched far enough.

Her dingy apartment seems cold and lonely and every noise in the building echos inside her head. It sends her anxiety clawing further up her throat. After tossing and turning for two hours she gives up. Angrily throwing aside the duvet she searches for the keys to her truck, the need to just move too overwhelming to ignore.

Wraith doesn’t bother to change out of her oversized shirt and sleep shorts before pulling on a pair of Moccasins and heading for the parking garage. There’s no one around to see her anyway, and if they are, by this time they’re too drunk or high to even offer her a second glance.

Her raven hair blows wild across her shoulders as she walks but she can’t muster up enough fucks to twist it into a bun.

_It’s not revenge I’m after._

_Run._

_Stop._

_Don’t._

_Crazy._

_Don’t be crazy. No one likes a nut job._

_Alone._

The words spin around her head like a chant. Some are her voice and some are the other’s. She can’t remember the dream, but the voices are proof enough that it was her previous life. The life she can no longer remember. The life she left behind in that facility. Her breath catches in her throat making her dizzy and she walks a little faster, hands wrapped around her abdomen like they can hold together the parts of her that want to crumble.

_Cold._

_Metal._

_Grey._

_Chairs._

_Cuffs._

_Trapped._

She’s dangerous, but also vulnerable. Whatever they’d done to her, she has a feeling that she had been a soldier of some kind before. The way a gun feels in her hands is too natural. Cool and steady and balanced, the way her body curls around it like a lover, the blood rush at the pull of a trigger. That wasn’t something you feel as a person picking up a gun for the first time. That was muscle memory.

_They’re watching you._

Wraith does a full 360 by her truck and feels like an idiot when she doesn’t see anyone.

“Stop it. It was just a dream and you’re freaking me out more,” she mutters to the voices, climbing into the truck and starting up the engine.

The void calls to her, there’s peace in the nothingness. Sometimes even the voices can’t be heard there, but she knew that she shouldn’t. It was an escape during the games, but she shouldn’t expose herself to it needlessly. After all, she has no idea how she had ended up with those powers, or their effects on her.

The streets are quiet, just the odd drunk student wandering home after last call and manic taxi drivers shooting to and fro. They don’t bother her, she can just lose herself in her thoughts and drive.

Wraith hardly notices her surroundings as the world speeds past, focusing only on the road ahead of her and trying desperately to remember anything she could about the dream.

_It was your fault._

No.

Hands clench around the steering wheel to stop from shaking.

_You wanted to hurt them. They just got you first._

I never wanted to hurt anyone.

_Pain._

_Hands everywhere._

_This one’s broken._

_Get rid of her._

STOP!

Wraith feels herself flying towards a panic attack, chest tight and heart pounding against her ribcage. A choked sob escapes without permission increasing the pressure inside her skull. What did the voice mean it was her fault? She wasn’t broken. It’s taken her a long time to come to terms with the way she was, but she wasn’t broken.

She _was_ a bit of a mess, but she was strong.

She was doing her best.

She can feel the invisible cuffs like chains around her throat, holding her, stopping her from screaming no matter how badly she wants to. Being inside her own skin is unbearable. Sweat beads her forehead and apprehension runs down her spine as though tracing the scars there.

It would be so easy to just shut it all off. Without even having to look in the rearview mirror Wraith knows her eyes are glassy and unfocused. The lines between her personalities blurring as she becomes the Wraith she is within the games. Her personal show of defence.

Cold and calculated.

No, she can’t be that person here. This isn’t the games, this is her life now. Yes, the games are a huge part of it, but they are also just her ticket to potential answers. She doesn’t live for the kill anymore.

Not like she had when she’d first escaped the facility.

Her life is different. She enjoys mundane tasks: grocery shopping, cleaning. She savours food now. It isn’t just a necessity any more.

Drinks with friends. Well, friend. Just Elliott, but he is enough. He makes her feel human again. 

Movies. She hadn’t even known what those were until he had shown her.

She likes Friends the TV show, though really she has no idea about any of the jokes, she just likes how they all rely on each other. How they are in each other’s lives with no other expectations or angles.

_Everyone has expectations._

_They all want something, you’re just too blind to see it._

_That’s how you ended up like this._

_Blind._

_Naive._

The sting of her knife brings her back, the sharp edges slicing into her right thumb where she is subconsciously gripping the blade.

With a gasp Wraith tosses the knife away, sucking the blood from the oozing cut.

She hadn’t meant to hurt herself but it had done the trick, the voice was quiet for now.

The truck is stationary and for a moment she doesn’t know where she is. It’s dark out, no streetlights around her and she finds herself in a driveway peering up at a red brick house. A climber plant covers one side of it but it’s homely rather than foreboding. She should know what type of plant that is, he’s told her before.

_Help._

Help who? Help what?

_You. Help._

It scares her a little that the voice has taken control enough to bring her here without her really consenting, but she can feel the tear tracks on her face and the irregularity of her breathing. It rattles through her sternum and she knows that this isn’t a night to be alone.

There are no lights on in the house, but he is home; the corvette in the driveway tells her so. She considers turning around, he’s obviously asleep, but the thought of a panic attack alone on a dark road makes the decision for her. God she’s cold. Tremors wrack her small frame.

_Not safe._

Wraith clenches her fists, disappearing into the void to please the voice as she hurries up the steps to the front door, knocking loudly.

She hears Boomer first, the dog’s frantic footsteps quick and heavy against the hardwood floors as he flies down the stairs. His are followed by slower footsteps. Clumsy with sleep.

When Elliott finally opens the door his face falls. She knows she must look a state, hair wild and still clad in pyjamas, crying, trembling and hyperventilating in his doorway.

“Please, can I come in?”

The words are shaky even to her ears. He has every right to turn her away. It’s 4am and she didn’t call.

Hell he could have someone upstairs waiting for him to return.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come.”

She turns to leave, but he catches her shoulder, ignoring the full body flinch at the contact. He knows her better than that by now. This isn’t revulsion, this is just her headspace reacting.

“No, come in.”

And he steps aside.

_He loves you._

_You don’t deserve it._

The moment she’s through the door she collapses against him, sobbing uncontrollably, face buried against his chest. There are no explanations to give even if she wanted to and he knows this.

“Hey, hey shh, it’s okay, I’m here. You’re safe. Let’s go through to the living room before Boom comes through the baby gate.” His hands find her thighs and pull them up around his waist, easily supporting her weight and allowing him to carry her through the rooms before settling them both down on the couch.

In any other situation the position would be sexual Wraith thinks, but there’s none of that now. Just hands up and down her back, soothing whispers in her ear telling her that it’s not her fault and it was just a dream. That they can’t hurt her any more.

Tears soak his chest where he hadn’t had time to pull on a shirt, her breathing is fast and jagged around the knot of fear in her throat that feels like it’s smothering her.

She needs this. Touch starved for so long of her own doing, this type of contact is calming. She can hear his pulse through the press of her ear against his chest. Can feel his slow inhales and exhales as he breathes with her, inviting her lungs to match rhythm with his.

Slowly, painfully slowly, it helps. Her breaths are still unsteady, catching around small sobs, but they’re lessening. With each deep inhale the the wave of hysteria subsides a little more.

Her hand crushes one of his against her, a holdfast between her breasts where she can match her own heart rate to the pulse in his wrist. Grip so tight that she can count the beats.

These things ground her.

Elliott doesn’t care how tightly she holds him, he’s solid and pliant beneath her as she fights to regain control of herself.

He never tells her she’s crazy, or that she’s overreacting. Just that she’s safe and that everything is okay.

Even Boomer pressed against her back helps, the overly exuberant pitbull snuffling at her hair. A cold nose behind her ear. More sensations.

She’s here. Elliott is here.

The voices are quiet.

The roaring isn’t as deafening any more.

It will be ok.

It was just a dream this time.

She mutters an apology into Elliott’s chest and feels him shake his head. His lips press against her temple and his free hand cups the back of her skull in an awkward but surprisingly intimate hug.

It’s good.

It’s enough.

He’s her safe space, this sarcastic man who hides behind walls of ego and self deprecation. But then, doesn’t she?

They’re different but very much the same.

Both haunted by their pasts.

Two damaged people. They’re the only ones who know about each other’s harrowing past. Or, in Wraith’s case, what little she knows about her former self.

“I got you, don’t worry, you’re safe. Tomorrow will be a new day.”

There, wrapped up in his strong, capable arms, she believes him.


	3. Abominable Yellow Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: 
> 
> “Why is it so obnoxiously yellow? Anything that colour cannot be natural. You shouldn’t be eating anything that looks like that.”
> 
> The one in which Wraith doesn’t know what Kraft Dinner is, Elliott is horrified and a Canadian classic is mourned.
> 
> ————
> 
> This work is part of a series and while it can be read as a standalone, it does make a little more sense in order :)
> 
> As a Brit living in Canada, I relate to this.

———-

Wraith didn’t think her question had been too outrageous but Elliott was staring at her like she’d just told him she thought the earth was flat.

“What? Please tell me you’re joking. Why does you face look like that? You’re far too serious right now!”

She looked around in shock, not sure if he was faking serious himself. “I’m not! What the hell is that?”

_Gross. It’s gross._

Elliott looked across the kitchen counter at her in complete horror. “It’s Kraft Dinner? KD? You’ve been out in civilization, fending for yourself for how long and you have no idea what KD is?”

Wraith shook her head. “Nope, never seen it. Plus, why would anyone eat something that looks like that? You’d choke on it!”

At her comment, Wraith thought Mirage’s eyes might actually pop out of their sockets. He snorted in mock offense, pressing a hand to his heart as though he were in physical pain.

“Why would you wound me like this?” He held out the package to her. “You think you just eat this? Straight out of the box? Have the voices officially sent you off the deep end?”

Wraith glared at him, grabbing the bag and the box, holding them up in front of him.

“Look.”

“I’m looking.”

“They don’t even look vaguely similar. Which is probably a good thing because that is bright yellow. This is weird powdered shit.” Wraith set the box down on the table and poked at the picture on the front.

“Kid, I am about to blow your mind.” Elliot smirked, reclaiming the packet of pasta and spinning to turn on the stove.

“Hopefully it turns out better than the first time.”

“Dark humour at your own expense. I like it.”

Elliot was a whirlwind in the kitchen, cutlery and packaging everywhere. Wraith wasn’t sure how it was possible to make such a mess just boiling pasta, but he managed it somehow. Boomer on the other hand, was loving every second. Especially when Elliot knocked the box over on the counter, sending pasta flying across the kitchen. The little chocolate coloured pitbull skidded across the tiled floor to clean up the mess and Wraith couldn’t help but laugh at him.

They’d found him. Well, she’d found him. He’d been abandoned, tied to a railing outside Wraith’s apartment building, huddled under a bush in the pouring rain soaked through and shivering. Her building didn’t allow animals but she hadn’t been able to leave him there. Luckily for Boomer, Elliott was a big suck and despite half hearted protests about a dog being too much hassle, within an afternoon Boomer had a bed, food and an appointment with a vet to get shots and chipped.

_It was so that you’d keep coming around._

Wraith rolled her eyes at the voice.

“So, does Kraft Dinner taste better when thrown on the floor?”

Her voice was saccharine and innocent, smirk fully in place when Elliot turned to glare at her.

“I’m not sure we can be friends any more after today.” Wraith found herself face to face with a wooden ladle. “First, you have no clue about Kraft Dinner. Then you insult it as though it isn’t an absolute classic and now! Now you mock my cooking style. Everything tastes better when it’s cooked with extra pizzazz.”

“Sure,” Wraith drawled, resting her chin on her fist and raising her eyebrows at him. “If by pizzazz you mean dog hair.”

Elliott’s mouth dropped, eyes narrowing through the strands of hair that had flopped over his tanned face and he pointed an index finger at her. “I can’t with you today.”

“Witt, you can’t with me any day.”

Elliot rolled his eyes, voice quiet but high pitched as he mimicked her and turning back to the overflowing pan that contained the boiling pasta. Dumping it all into a colander he waited for the water to drain before putting the pasta back into the pan and adding milk and butter.

“That’s literally pasta with butter sauce like people give to their kids,” Wraith said, confused.

“Well Miss Patience, if you’d wait more than 10 seconds you’d see that we’re not finished. I haven’t added the main ingredient yet!” Mirage brandished the powder sachet, shaking it up before dumping it into the macaroni-milk mixture.

Wraith leaned over the counter to peer into the pan. “The secret ingredient is Cheeto dust?”

_Could be radioactive._

“It’s not Cheeto dust you uncultured swine.” Frantic stirring turned the pasta bright orange.

_Definitely radioactive._

“Even the voice thinks it’s a bad idea. They think radioactive.”

“Just. Try it.” Elliott told her, overly enunciating in a fake show of annoyance.

He grabbed a bowl and spooned some of the offending mixture into it.

Wraith shook her head at the sight of it. “Why is it so obnoxiously yellow? Anything that colour cannot be natural. You shouldn’t be eating anything that looks like that.”

“There. Pasta alla Kraft Dinner.” He mimed sprinkling herbs over the the dish like they did on the cooking shows they’d watched before pushing it towards her. “Oh but wait! You need your condiments for the side!”

A bottle of ketchup was placed in the middle of the counter.

“Now you’ve got to be kidding right?”

“Just try it. If you hate it, then Chinese is on me.” Elliott told her, scooping a spoonful and holding it up.

Frowning, Wraith snagged a fork and dug in, eyeing the so called food speculatively.

_Danger._

“Cheers!” Elliot said happily, clinking his spoon against her fork as though they were taking a shot before downing the pasta. “It tastes like shit when it gets cold, so bottoms up!”

Hesitantly Wraith closed her mouth around the mac and cheese, chewing slowly and trying to determine any redeeming quality.

After a few seconds she shook her head, swallowing hard as though it pained her.

“You just poisoned me didn’t you? That’s the only rational explanation for you forcing me to try this abomination. ”

“WHAT?” Elliot looked genuinely surprised. “It’s official, you have no taste. Try it with the ketchup.”

“Oh yeah, that’ll work. Let’s add more processed crap onto the pasta that tastes like chemicals. Two wrongs don’t make a right, Witt.” Wraith motioned toward the ketchup with her fork, moving around the counter to drop the utensil in the dishwasher. She attempted to squeeze past Elliott again to return to her seat, but he shifted and she found herself trapped with her back against the counter, a toned arm either side of her torso blocking her path.

“It’s not processed crap. It’s delicious.” His glare seemed a little disproportionate to the situation in Wraith’s opinion, but the smell of Elliott’s cologne mixed with something deeply earthly caught her off guard and she forgot any comebacks she had lined up.

Her cheeks flushed as her eyes raked up his torso, taking in the tight green v-neck shirt he wore before moving up to his face.

_He likes you._

She wished the voice would keep its opinions to itself for once.

Elliott raised an eyebrow, features softening. “Doing ok there?”

It was strange, Wraith thought, she figured she knew his body just as well as she knew her own yet this was something new. They’d fought so many times that their actions came naturally to them, like a well executed dance.

He had comforted her many times before, held her as she cried; hell he’d even cooked for her when she was sick.

But this was different.

Without knowing it, he’d created a spark within her that for the longest time Wraith had doubted she could even feel any more for anyone.

“I-”

Her words failed her and her hands lifted to touch his chest, though whether to push him away or pull him closer Wraith couldn’t be sure.

_You like him._

_You know you want to._

For a long moment they just stared at each other, no snark or sass coming from either of them. Neither one wanting to make the first move lest spook the other.

Wraith sucked in a breath not knowing what she actually wanted as Elliott’s forearm grazed her bicep, setting her skin alight. Every nerve end told her to bridge the gap, but her brain told warned her of the contact.

What if her reaction was disgust? What if she’d read the situation wrong.

_You know you haven’t._

But she’d flinched away from every other form of touch at first and she didn’t want to hurt him like that. She couldn’t lose her only friend.

Thankfully, Boomer broke through her inner turmoil, jumping up at her side, eager to join in of the party.

Wraith cleared her throat, forcing out a laugh as she bent down to let the dog clamber over her. She felt more than saw Elliot take a step back. When she stood and turned back towards him, he was combing fingers through his hair, a poorly masked expression of confusion written across his usually playful features.

Her stomach sank.

“Um, Elliott, I-” Wraith stuttered guiltily, cheeks flaming as she looked down at her socked feet to avoid seeing any hurt she might have caused him.

Then suddenly he was back up close again, hands reaching for her shoulders.

His touch was gentle and she knew she could break away effortlessly. But she didn’t, curious to see where this would go.

“You don’t have to ever do anything you’re uncomfortable with, okay? Not even because you think it’ll please me.”

The statement was spoken with such genuineness it made her heart hurt, but she felt relief.

“I can’t lose you.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

A small smile graced her features, however Wraith knew her eyes still showed the worry that coiled in her stomach.

Elliott’s hands slid upwards, cupping her cheeks more gently than she thought him capable of and he leaned in placing a soft kiss to her forehead. “I promise you. I’m with you for as long as you want me. No matter what.”

Wraith let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding and wrapped her arms around his middle, pressing her cheek into his shoulder.

“Thank you.”

“Plus,” Elliot paused, “I have to buy you Chinese now that you’ve ruined a classic. I can’t believe you don’t like Kraft Dinner. Absolute disgrace.”

A harsh laugh was forced out of Wraith’s chest, this was familiar.

Safe.

He rubbed her back before pulling away. “You’d better grab the menu and start looking over it as though you’re not just going to order salt and pepper chicken as always.”

Wraith rolled her eyes, pulling the menu from the junk drawer and following him through to his living room, Boomer at her heels.

“Sure, like you’re not going to just order duck and pancakes with sweet and sour sauce.”

That sent him into his normal incessant chatter and Wraith stood there for a second, just taking it all in. Boomer hopping up onto the sofa next to Elliott, Netflix on pause waiting for her to take her seat.

It was so domestic. She’d never thought something so mundane could feel so damn nice.

All she had to do was just take her seat and go along for the ride.

Elliott caught her eye and smiled crookedly. Surely after everything she- no, _they_ had been through in their lives, they could be allowed some happiness?

Yes, she thought, we can do that.

With that she walked around the couch and plopped down beside him, curling her legs into the small space between him and Boomer and leaning into his side.

This was where she wanted to be, and for the first time, she realised that wherever that led, she was perfectly okay with it.


	4. Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Wraith, what was the one thing I told you not to do?”  
> “Burn the house down.”  
> “And what did you do?”  
> “Made you dinner.”  
> Mirage raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure that’s all?”  
> “Hey you said the house, I only burnt part of the kitchen.”
> 
> [This was a prompt on a website. I may have taken it and ran.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ!
> 
> As always, this is part of a series and it’s a long fic made up of lots of one-shots, I call them episodes. They can be read as a stand alone, but they make a bit more sense in order!  
> I don’t call Wraith ‘Renee’ and there’s a reason for that which will be revealed in a later ‘episode’.

——————

Wraith had sometimes wondered why she even had her own apartment anymore. It seemed a bit of a waste of money when she spent most of her time at Elliott’s house anyway.

However, looking at his face right at that moment, she questioned whether she’d be allowed back ever again.

“Wraith, what was the one thing I told you not to do?”

“Burn the house down.”

“And what did you do?”

“Made you dinner.”

Mirage raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure that’s all?”

“Hey you said the house, I only burnt part of the kitchen.”

He shot her a look that told her he really didn’t appreciate her sarcasm at that moment in time. Her defence was weak, she knew that, but Boomer had apparently decided to side with her. Whether that was because he actually agreed with her, or because she’d provided him with a guilt free charcoaled potato banquet she wasn’t quite sure.

Mirage had left her alone for six hours to go and check up on an issue with the walk in freezer at the bar and Wraith thought a big home cooked dinner might lift his spirits.

The joke was on her.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize the plastic would melt! It said oven safe.”

“Only to a certain temperature and not in a convect oven,” Mirage chided and it took everything Wraith had not to flinch back.

She knew that he was annoyed, it had been a crappy day and she’d only gone and made it even worse. The kitchen wasn’t even a year old and now the oven was burnt out, the floor around it was ruined and the upper cupboards were black from the smoke. The cupboards would come clean but the oven had been picked out by his mother on one of her coherent days.

She felt like shit.

“How did you not notice the smoke?” He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath, obviously trying to keep a level head.

_He’s done with you._

“I fell asleep. Elliott I’m so sorry, everything was set to slow cook so I thought it would be fine. I didn’t smell it until the smoke alarms went off and by then it was too late. The plastic must have melted to the bottom and caught fire. I swear it thought it was ok.”

Wraith moved forward when he stayed silent, arms wrapped around her sides to allow him to see the full extent of the damage. In her defence, the fire had been put out within seconds of the smoke alarm going off, but the damage had already been done.

Elliott’s kitchen was a mess.

Her hands throbbed where she’d grabbed at the metal roasting pan that had been on the top shelf of the oven. Not even thinking about using an oven glove or grabbing a tea towel. Her only thought had been that the oil on the potatoes were on fire. Which they had been.

She’d immediately realised her mistake, dropping the pan onto the tiled floor as a different kind of fire licked up her arms. Half of her issue then had been rushing to tackle Boomer to stop the dog from diving at the burning potatoes. The blisters on her hands would definitely have fur in them and she wasn’t looking forward to digging them all out later.

Elliott had come running in minutes later, seeing the smoke pouring from the kitchen window when he’d pulled into the driveway and although the fire was out by that point, Wraith had been stood frozen in a state of shock trying to figure out her next steps.

“I’m so sorry,” Wraith repeated desperately. “Please say something.”

She was waiting for the inevitable explosion, panic gripping her,

“I’ll pay to fix it I swear! You guys can stay with me. Please Elliott,” she said, spinning to look around. “It’s mainly the oven and the floor. The cupboards will be ok I think.”

When she pointed at the wooden cupboard doors she saw Elliott’s brows furrow.

“Wraith why are your hands bleeding?”

“I- it’s nothing. I just caught my hand trying to turn the oven off,” she lied, tucking her hands back into her sides and backing away from him.

“That’s a lie. Show me your hands please.” Elliott’s demeanour changed immediately. Gone was the annoyance and exasperation, immediately replaced by concern.

Shaking her head, she hurried back around the counter, sending the pitbull out of the kitchen with a quick whistle and crouching to grab the kitchen wear scattered across the floor. “I’m ok, it’s fine. I just need to finish clearing this up, Boom can’t keep eating those potatoes and the pan is all over the floor. I’m pretty sure I smashed a glass and he’ll get it stuck in his feet and-”

“Wraith. Your hands. Show me your hands.” Elliott knelt beside her, grasping her shoulders and giving her a gentle shake. “I need to see them to decide whether you need to go to the emergency room. The kitchen doesn’t matter. I’m sorry I was angry, I was just scared when I saw the smoke. Please, your hands are a mess.”

Slowly, Wraith uncurled her hands and turned her palms up to show him. Both hands were angry; the skin red and blistered. In some places the blisters had been broken and were already weeping. Elliott sucked in a breath.

“Shit kid why didn’t you deal with this?”

Flushing, Wraith glanced down at the floor. “I forgot.”

“You forgot that you melted your palms?” Elliot’s voice was gentle but incredulous.

“It didn’t seem important at the time, Boomer and the kitchen took priority.” Wraith allowed him to pull her to her feet and obediently jumped up to sit on the counter whilst he hunted for the first aid kit.

 _He looked tired,_ she thought. That some weariness that she so often felt. The small smile he offered when he caught her watching him reached his eyes, but didn’t hide the purple under them.

_He’s not sleeping._

He’d had a hell of a week with this Mom, who hadn’t remembered him when he’d visited her, then the issues at the bar and she’d just burnt his kitchen.

“Wouldn’t it be so much more convenient to just have the med kits like we do in the games?” Elliott joked, pulling open an antiseptic wipe and carefully resting Wraith’s open hand on her thigh whilst he cleaned it.

“Definitely.” She gave a small laugh, but the sound was harsh and humourless even to her own ears.

Elliott saw straight through it.

_He knows you._

_He loves you._

_Figure it out._

_“_ Hey, look at me.” Fingers gentle, he touched under her chin with he hand not holding the wipes. “We’re good. It’s ok. I’m not mad. Shit happens, I promise. I have home insurance for a reason. It’ll be fixed within a week and this will all be a funny memory.”

_He’s lying._

Usually Wraith listened to the voices, they’d proved allies in the ring, but she knew that when her anxiety levels were high, they definitely couldn’t be trusted. So she ignored them and nodded slowly, tension seeping out of her as she forced her shoulders to relax.

“You’re sure? I don’t want to lose you over this, I don’t have many friends as it is. I definitely don’t want to have burning your kitchen down as a last memory.”

Since when was her voice so small, she wondered, she wasn’t that person.

“I swear. Wraith you’re my best friend, do you really think I’d never speak to you over an accident? If you’d genuinely wanted to burn down my house I know you could have done it properly, _and_ without burning yourself in the process.” Elliott lifted her hand slightly to emphasize his point.

“I guess so. Explosives would be much more effective than an oven fire. I also wouldn’t have taken Boomer down with the house. I think beside you he might be my only other actual friend.” Wraith admitted sheepishly.

“Depends, he might not like you too much in an hour when those potatoes start to not sit right in his stomach.”

There it was, their usual playfulness.

“He eats rocks for fun, if those don’t finish him off, some burnt potatoes won’t do it,” Wraith teased, on impulse pulling Elliot’s hand up to her mouth and gently pressing her lips to the knuckles. “Thank you Elliott, for not yelling and screaming. I don’t think I could have taken that.”

“Honestly, I almost did, but it wouldn’t have been fair to take out a whole week’s worth of bad moods on you. Especially not when you were trying to do something nice for me.” Wraith could see how Elliott watched her face as he spoke, watching her mouth against his hand, pupils widening.

She was starting to understand that the feelings he had for her may not lay totally in the area of friends. Especially not after the moment in the kitchen during the Kraft Dinner incident. She’d been so sure he would kiss her, but he hadn’t tried to make a move since.

The forehead kissing was a normal development for them; they’d always been tactile with each other. Wraith supposed it was just the result of her avoiding contact with anyone else, a person needed touch no matter how much it terrified them. People she let close could hurt her the most. The light brushes of his lips against her forehead when she was breaking down could calm her better than any pills she’d been given and laying beside him on the couch with his arms around her was her favourite form of therapy.

And Elliott- she knew his brothers were gone. Dead of just missing, no one had ever really found out; they were just gone. Even before that she knew that his Mom hadn’t spent much time with him, choosing her work over her youngest son. Their relationship had only dissipated further when his brother’s disappeared despite Elliott’s effort to salvage it.

It must have been horrific for him. Elliott tried his best to always be there for her, to always make her proud. He made sure his Mom was with him on special holidays, was given tickets to every major victory they had as a team. Usually she wasn’t well enough to go, usually not coherent enough to know why she was there or who she was celebrating.

It destroyed Elliott and seeing him try to hold himself together broke Wraith’s heart. Even Ajay had commented on it once, not knowing the full story but having enough medical knowledge to realize what was going on.

“Watching them makes me need a shot of tequila. Hell, maybe a full bottle.”

It was true, the whole scenario was painful to watch.

She often wondered about her won family. Were they alive? Dead? Looking for her?

That was something she carried with her, along with the knowledge that she would probably never know them. The games were pretty public, millions tuned into every match, but no one had ever stepped forward to ‘claim’ her as such.

_They don’t love you._

_They don’t care enough to want you back._

Wraith watched quietly as Elliott disinfected her hands before applying an antiseptic ointment and bandaging them. She didn’t flinch at the pain. She’d had worse.

In a way, she thought, she deserved this for not being more careful.

“All done, Princess. You officially look like a boxer.” Elliott told her with a smile, ignoring the glare shot in his direction at the pet name as he stepped back and allowed her to jump down from the counter.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Whatever you say.”

“We have to clean this up.”

“We definitely do not. We have to call of pizza and then close the door on this entire mess until I can get the insurance company to get a cleaning crew out here.”

Grabbing two plates he ushered her out of the kitchen and into the living room.

“I don’t suppose you managed to rescue any of the dinner?”

“Not unless you count the asparagus that’s in the microwave,” Wraith smirked.

Elliott snorted and side eyed her, voice incredulous as he laughed through his question. “You cooked asparagus in the microwave?”

“What’s wrong with that? I cook all my vegetables in the microwave!”

“Broccoli and carrots are not the same thing as asparagus. Asparagus requires seasoning and tastes better grilled on the barbecue or in the oven with some butter and garlic.”

“Of course they’re the same, they’re green, taste like shit but are good for you.” Wraith blinked at him, reigning innocence. “They all go in the boil bag for the microwave.”

“Kid, please meter cook me dinner ever again. My house, taste pallet and heart can’t take it.” Elliott held a fist to his chest as though she was causing him physical pain.

Wraith collapsed down on his couch with a satisfied huff, laughing as he pulled up the Dominos app. “I promise not to try to do anything nice for you ever again.”

“Good, you being near is nice enough for me.” He covered her wrist with his hand, avoiding the burns and giving it a little squeeze.

Feeling her cheeks redden, Wraith looked down t her lap. “I’m grateful to have you.”

Elliott lifted her hand, kissing the back of it carefully as she had done to him minutes before.

“And I you.”

Her stomach flittered at the warmness in his voice, not knowing how to respond. Not knowing what even was the right thing to say.

“Thank you,” she managed cautiously, flinching as Boomer jumped up beside her on the couch and pushed his head under her arm. “Yes and you too buddy.”

She laughed out a “yuck” as he licked at her face, tail thumping against the couch excitedly.

“See, we both think you’re great.”

“He just loves me for the food.” Wraith shifted to let the pitbull sprawl across her lap, rubbing his tummy when he twisted to lay on his back, all four legs up int he air.

“Well, you didn’t come through for me on my food, so that can’t be the reason I love y… having you around.”

The change was enough to Wraith to pause playing with eh dog and glance back toward Elliott, who was watching her intently.

Neither of them spoke for a moment as though waiting for the other. Eventually Wraith just shifted, pushing herself closer to his side and laying her head against his shoulder.

“You’re the best thing in my life.”

She felt him let out a breath of relief beneath her as his arm wrapped around her shoulder, pushing the pizza app towards her.

“Soooo, seeing as you just burnt half of my house, you think we can get the ham and pineapple today?”

“You’re criticizing me cooking asparagus in the microwave but you want fruit on your pizza?”

“Well, it’s good!”

“If you want pineapple on your pizza I’m getting my own.”

“You do you kid, you do you.”

“Don’t worry, I will.”


	5. there’s a hollow in this house whenever you go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary:  
> Wraith and Elliott were on the same team, they had been for as long as she could remember. So how had she ended up with him in her scope, trying to convince herself that she could pull the trigger on her best friend?  
> ————————————-  
> PLEASE READ:  
> Warnings:  
> 1\. There's a rogue 'to' in here that should be a 'too' but I can't find it and I'm making myself cross eyed trying to see it lol.  
> 2\. There are mentions of self harm and references towards potential past rape  
> 3\. This fic does require you to have read one one of the series to make sense. (See ‘Obnoxious Yellow Abominations’ https://archiveofourown.org/works/24767209)  
> 4\. I’m sorry if Wraith seems slight OOC at times, I had an idea of where I wanted this to go but honestly it grew legs and ran on its own. It was also supposed to only be 2k words but 10k later here we are.

\---------------------------

They had talked about this being a possibility for the past year. Every now and again the game masters would shake things up and throw the competitors a curveball.

It keeps the viewers interested, they told them.

Most of the time Wraith didn’t care, they’d bring in some different tasks, some holographic dragon type monsters, set everything on fire, brought in a constantly moving ring. It didn’t really matter to her;

However the last few months there had been whispers of new teams and that was a thought that churned Wraith’s stomach.

There weren’t many people in the games that Wraith trusted. Four to be precise: Elliott, Ajay, Crypto and Path.

Crypto she had been unsure of at first, but before she’d moved into her own apartment they had spent a lot of time together due to being the only two to live in the game’s living quarters. He knew about her amnesia, knew that the games may hold some answers for her and always tossed her interesting intel that he came across. A hacker was a good person to have on your side, Wraith had decided. Especially one who was quiet, didn’t pry and let her keep a comfortable distance. He never invaded her space or tried to touch her.

Pathfinder she’d played with before Elliott, the robot had no real social skills at all and that suited Wraith. She didn’t have to pretend with him, he never wanted to hang out after games or make the annoying small talk Wraith hated so much. They could just do their job and go their separate ways.

When Wraith and Elliott had been assigned Ajay, Path had been sent into a team of newbies, Wattson and Octane. She hadn’t had much interaction with the two, but they seemed good teammates. Path was happy.

Wraith wasn’t happy.

Her hands were clenched around her coffee mug as their match designer unveiled the new program.

Random squads.

She’d known it was coming; rumours that spread throughout the competitors usually weren’t far wrong.

Elliott shifted uncomfortably in his seat next to her and reached across to subtly brush his knuckles over the back of her hand. This would be hard on both of them.

At the opposite end of the table Natalie gripped one of Octavio’s hands, not even trying to hide the gasp of horror.

_You’ll have to shoot him._

Her body felt frozen, as though there was ice in her veins. How could she shoot him knowing exactly what he felt?

The pain of the bullet, the fear of death was just as real as if they were actually dying.Feeling the life ebb away, the lightness in your body. Wraith found punctured lungs the most terrifying, suffocating as her lungs filled with blood, totally unable to suck in any air. The money and status from winning games was a major buzz, but Wraith had to win, mainly to avoid the feeling of dying.

Dying over and over fucked with a person. They all knew that.

But even the warmth of Elliott’s hand against her own wasn’t enough to calm or reassure her. When she’d originally joined the games she would have never allowed herself to become attached to anyone. Elliott had crept in with his annoyingly relentless text messages and food that made her want to groan. The texts had won her over. Wraith who had never had the patience to message back and forth had found herself laughing at the funny pictures and memes he’d sent. At first they’d been just made up of pictures of the legends taken by the media at bad angles.

Photos of Gibby that looked like he was picking his nose, a photo of her that would have made even the toughest men run for cover and then a shot of Loba flicking off a pigeon. Why she’d been flicking off a pigeon Wraith had no idea, but she had snorted in amusement and sent the first reply back.

“Haha.”

That had been it, that one little reply had been like opening the flood gates for Elliott. Soon she was getting memes that fans had made.

They’re artistic little fucks, he had commented as he’d sent her a digital painting of herself and Caustic, her being hung over the end of the map. It was messed up but Wraith could definitely appreciate the talent in the details.

What finally sunk her was his noticing her eating an apple for lunch four days in a row.

“No lunch?” He had asked.

“This is lunch?” Wraith brandished the offending apple towards him. “You think I have time to make myself a full lunch? An apple is fine.”

Elliott had looked on suspiciously but dropped the subject, Wraith didn’t want to admit that her knowledge of cooking was limited to whatever takeout she could grab or which ready meal she could microwave. However, the next day he had plonked himself down at her lunch table and pushed a foil container toward her.

Wraith had eyed him warily. She liked to sit on her own to eat, everyone knew and respected that and yet here was Mirage sitting himself in front of her without so much as a pause at her glare.

“I brought you this! If you want to though, that’s not a demand I swear. Any allergies? You eat meat right? What sorry! You are deci-decidedly tiny.” Elliott stuttered, at the darkening of her face he hurried to open the foil revealing a wrap.

“Are you trying to poison me? I know I’m sat one above you on the leaderboard right now but this isn’t the way I’d like to go.” Wraith wasn’t sure what was on the wrap, nor how he’d managed to get it toasted and warm in the work kitchen (she later found out that there was a panini press) but the smell of it made her stomach rumble appreciatively.

Elliott had rolled his eyes but ignored her as he pushed cutlery at her. “It’s slow cooked pulled curry chicken with potatoes and peas. It’s like a chicken samosa but on a wrap. It’s a new recipe so if it sucks I apologize.”

Wraith didn’t know what a samosa was, but she cautiously took a bite of the wrap, it did look good to be fair and her eyes shot up to where Elliott sat.

It wasn’t just good, it was possibly the best thing Wraith could ever remember eating.

“That’s insane,’ Wraith heard herself say, voice shocked but warmer than she ever could remember it.

Elliott had beamed at her. “Good! You can be my tester from now on!”

And so she had.

Lunches had turned into, I made enough pasta for 10 people, want some for dinner later? Those had become, I’m making fajitas for dinner do you want to eat with me before I drop you off at home they’ll taste better fresh I swear!Plus, it would be nice to eat with someone considering my only family lives in a hospital.

Wraith remembered that moment vividly, she recalled the panic of what he was asking. Did he think it was like that? Dinner and sex? Is that what he’d been doing all this for? Just to get her into bed? Her anger had dissipated when he looked at her with an almost nervous expression.

_He’s lonely._

_He just wants some company._

So Wraith agreed, the least one lonely soul could do was offer another their presence to help sooth their demons. It seemed easier to justify it to herself that way, that she was helping him, as opposed to admitting that maybe she did wonder what it would be like to sit around the table with another person in a non-work setting.

It was nice.

Elliott didn’t expect her to talk too much, his chatter filled the spaces and just the occasional word from Wraith in reply was enough for him. He never pushed her to do more than she was comfortable with. He would lay on the floor when they watched TV just so that she didn’t have to worry about accidentally touching him if she shifted.

Then Boomer had come along and she’d started to spend more and more time at the house. Elliott had taught her to play video games, use Netflix and explained to her what the hell YouTube was. They’d walked Boomer together, laughing when the Pitbull was scared of a Chihuahua and spent hours trying teaching him to sit and fetch, only to end up chasing the ball themselves. He would rather sit next to you and share whatever Elliott had cooked for them that day.

Elliott had gone with her to buy her truck, helping her decide on the exact model before sitting with her through the negotiations. Yet despite not needing a ride anymore, she still found herself following him home after their games. Most of the time he would cook but sometimes they’d just grab whatever takeout was quickest before collapsing on the couch, Wraith’s previous aversion to closeness diminishing slowly around him. Soon she found she didn’t mind his touches, they were fleeting and natural in a way that set Wraith at ease. He touched her out of closeness and habit rather than a want of something.

_Only him._

The voices were right. It was only him. The hands that once would make her tense nervously if they brushed against her arms when they were cooking together were now accepted. After a long day the contact was even welcomed. Sometimes Wraith wasn’t even sure Elliott realized he was doing it. Then there was the arms holding her when she woke up on his couch in the midst of a nightmare, fingers light as they stroked her back. Lips pressing against her forehead grounding her, giving her body something to feel other than terror.

The other legends had commented on it at first, one of the newbies had even dared to ask Elliott if fucking in the void was better than in reality. Wraith had retreated to her own apartment for a few days and Elliott made sure that that particular competitor was never allowed back.

He had her back, always in the ring and even as they fought off the press after a game. Pushed up against her so that no one managed to get too close.

If it were anyone else Wraith knew it would be unbearable, but Elliott was different. Her body found it easier to mould herself into him than pull away.

The thought of putting him in her sights and pulling the trigger, watching him fall or fumble around waiting for his death was more than her stomach could handle.

Wraith jumped up holding her middle and heading for the bathroom, not bothering to fight the call of the void as she went. She didn’t vomit, but the feeling still stuck in the pit of her stomach.

Sitting on the bathroom floor of the with her head resting on the cold stall divider Wraith fought with herself. She wondered if she could just get hurt early on in the first match and feign sick for the rest of the challenge. She couldn’t shoot her best friend, she couldn’t be the one to put him in a hospital even though he would regenerate. They’d sat together many a time talking about how awful the deaths were. She couldn’t do that to him.

A beep on her phone reminded her that the meeting would be over and the game makers angry that she’d ditched, but she didn’t care. Most of the other legends didn’t understand her, they just avoided her aside from basic pleasantries.

“Wraith are you in here?” Elliott’s voice was quiet as he opened the door to the bathroom.

She didn’t reply, couldn’t break through the numbness and find it within herself to lift her head. The stall door was still open, allowing Elliott to slip inside and lower himself beside her with a small huff as he maneuvered himself into the small space, one hand finding her thigh and squeezing gently.

“There’s nothing you can do you know? We always knew that this would be a possibility. I’m no different to any of the other legends, you just have to make it quick. Go for the headshot and we’ll try to avoid each other in close combat.” Elliott tried to be the voice of reason but he knew that in this state she had closed off too securely for his words to have much effect.

Wraith didn’t reply, she didn’t have the words.

“Let’s go home,” he suggested in response to her silence, standing when she gave a small nod and holding out a hand to help her to her feet.

Wraith followed him quietly, turning the key fob to her car over and over between her fingers. Her hands flashed purple but the pull to disappear wasn’t even present at that moment, though at one point she fumbled with the fob and almost sent it into the void when she panicked trying to catch it.

“Maybe I should drive us home? I can come back for my car tomorrow?” Elliott asked gently when they reached her truck. “I don’t want you driving like this and causing an accident or sending your truck into the void.”

“I’m not sure I have the strength to send the whole truck into the void.”

Her voice was low, gravelly and it scared her. The numbness a reminder of how she’d been when she first escaped the facility. She handed over the key with a small nod of agreement and climbed obediently into the passenger seat when Elliott held the door open for her.

Even in the summer air, she felt herself shivering.

Shock.

_Why are you going into shock? You’re not hurt._

_Get a grip of yourself._

Psychological shock. She was used to this, it had happened time and time before when everything just got too much or she couldn’t find an outlet for her feelings. This was different to the panic attacks after her nightmares. The tightness in her chest was present still, but there was none of the hyperventilating, none of the franticness. This was just numbing.

Wraith wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing at the skin on her arms that her tank top didn’t cover. Without speaking, Elliott pulled off the long sleeved Henley he was wearing and handed it to her. It was huge on her tiny frame, but it was warm and smelt of his cologne. Wraith wondered when his smell had become a comfort to her. It left him in just an undershirt in the driver’s seat and Wraith felt bad, but when she glanced up at him in question he just shrugged. “You know I’m always too hot anyway.”

She pulled her knees up to her chest and curled into the seat as Elliott pulled out of the parking spot and swung the truck around with only one mumbled comment about it being way too big. Usually Wraith would have rolled her eyes and chirped back about how she at least didn’t feel claustrophobic in it unlike his tiny sports car, but today she couldn’t find the voice.

Roads and buildings passed by as they drove but Wraith paid them no attention, hands buried in the too long sleeves of Elliott’s shirt. She knew her reaction was off the deep end. They’d talked about this. Over and over. They had a plan.

_You didn’t love him then._

_You didn’t know him like you do now._

It shouldn’t matter. He should just be another legend, another competitor in Wraith’s way, but he wasn’t.

After a little while she noticed Elliott had turned on the radio and was humming along to it, the noise pulling her out of her thoughts momentarily. He couldn’t sing for shit and he knew it, but the sound had perforated her thoughts and dragged her back into the present. He knew it was the mundane things that would grab her attention.

Catching her watching him Elliott offered a small smile. Wraith knew she was pale, knew that if she looked at herself in the side mirrors her eyes would be glowing blue, but he didn’t mind. He’d never minded how messed up she was. How her anxiety and past could just send her over the edge without even a moments notice. When Elliott looked at her, she felt as though he was looking straight through her, or into her. Into her was more apt. He was so much more than the persona he wore, more than the fuckboy all the other legends and fans thought he was.

Sure he’d gotten around, he could be a flirt, hell Wraith had seen him toss a wink or two Loba’s way before. However, none of those girls every truly got close to him. Some had been around long enough to be brought out to the bar with the other legends, but they had been like groupies. Just around for the fame that came with dating a legend, which was why most of the competitors stuck within their group. One woman had even accused Elliott of cheating on her with Wraith after spending the evening with them all as a group. It had been front page news the following day. She’d made her money one way or the other.

To be fair to her, it wasn’t a stretch to come to that conclusion. Some of the other legends had questioned it over the last few years. Wraith spent most of her time at his house or with him at the bar. They practically shared a dog. Elliott was the only one Wraith tolerated physical contact from and out of habit he was fairly tactile with her. She rarely initiated contact, but didn’t flinch away from his touch like she did with everyone else. They were comfortable with each other in a more intimate way than just friends, Wraith had had no experiences with sexual relationships since escaping the facility, the dreams of people grabbing at her, hands forcing themselves wherever they wanted seemed far to real than just random nightmares conjured on her dark days.

The thought of that still made her cringe a little. How could something that caused her so much stress be good? There had been men at the bar and other games related events who had propositioned her, their words sweet and complimentary in ways she imagined would work on a lot of other women. To her they were just warnings to run, to get away from yet another person who just wanted something from her that she wasn’t willing to give.

She’d almost thrown one man into the void when he’d grabbed her ass. Only Elliott stood nearby had saved him from the kunai knife in her hand, jumping between them to stop her, gripping the shirt of the blond man behind her and pushing him away from her. His eyes had flashed with a rage that hadn’t been directed at her.

Security had arrived seconds later, but the damage had been done. For weeks after Wraith had flinched away from everyone, Elliott included, though she was grateful he hadn’t let her stab the man and toss him into another dimension. That would definitely have been worse.

“We’re going to be ok, you know? I promise.”

Wraith blinked up at him, his voice was even and calm, though the sadness and worry in his eyes betrayed him. The truck was stationary and Wraith wasn’t sure how long she’d zoned out for.

“I don’t know how I can do it Elliott.” Her words were small and unsure, nothing like her persona on the battlefield. There she was calm and composed, totally unflappable. “How am I supposed to do that to you?”

“You’re going to treat me like any other legend. I’ll heal just the same as all of them. It’s going to be hard on both of us, the thought of pointing a gun at you makes me want to throw up, trust me. Some of the games we’ll be together, it’s a smaller group of legends, the odds are better because of it. There’s not going to be twenty squads landing. If we see each other running around we can just turn a blind eye. The game makers can’t come at us for that, we can just feign innocence and say we didn’t notice.” Elliott placed his hands on her seat, allowing her the choice of reaching for them or staying where she was.

“What if I hurt you and don’t kill you? What if we end up in the final two squads?” Wraith asked.

“Then I’ll miss my shots.”

“No Elliott.”

“Yes. If I miss that gives you a clean shot. Aim for the head and finish it quick. I know you can, I’ve seen you do it over and over again. One of us has to die and out of the two I’d rather it be me. I’ll throw the game if you make it quick.” His face was sincere, but the numbness within Wraith was subsiding, replaced by a stroke of anger.

“So I have to be the one to pull the trigger while you get off easy,” she snapped.

“You know that’s not wh—” Elliott started, but Wraith cut him off.

“Why don’t I just stand there and you shoot me then? Oh, because we’ll both get kicked out of the games for match fixing. It’s a televised bloodsport Elliott! You think they just won’t notice?” She felt her body uncurling as her voice rose. “That’s a cowards way out. You get to lay your gun down whilst I shoot you? No.”

“I’ll come back though. It’ll take a little while for the regeneration but I’ll be back to normal within a few hours!” Elliott looked at her for the first time like she might be a little irrational and Wraith felt something in her snap. She wasn’t ready to see that from him.

Suddenly the urge to move was too much as the fog faded to inexplicable rage.

“I have to go. I can’t do this right now.” And then she was gone before she could see the hurt in his face, fists clenching as she threw herself headlong into the void.

-o-

The void was complex, it took practise to control and a lot of effort to not get lost or stuck between dimensions. After a while it also started to hurt, the pressure of it pushing her into a migraine, pins and needles hitting throughout her body as her muscles cramped up from the effort of holding onto it for so long. Ajay had commented before on her insane fitness level despite having never set foot in a gym. Plus her weight, she could eat all day and never gain anything.

Wraith knew that existing within the void took a toll on her body, the force it took to hold the portal open and keep it strong enough to not only move herself but also her teammates too was exhausting.

She could only go for so long.

It’s been four hours.

Wraith released the void, relaxing her fist and allowing herself to crash down against the closest wall, breathing heavy. A startled gasp to her left shocked her into the present and her eyes flew open, the last few crackles of the void leaving her as she realized she was at the bar.

Why had she brought herself here?

 _Him_.

Elliott wasn’t here though, it wasn’t his night to work.

“Ma’am are you ok?” The older gentleman to her right looked as though he might try to pull her up and the thought of him touching her spurred Wraith into action.

“M’fine,” she mumbled, pulling herself to her feet before plunking herself down onto a barstool.

The bartender, Luke, eyed her, but he knew who she was. They all knew who she was, blasting in here at 8pm on a Tuesday night wearing a shirt that clearly wasn’t her own was not the greatest idea she’d ever had. Not that she was sure this was a conscious decision.

Luke pushed his phone into his back pocket and set a shot glass down in front of her. Elliott would be here soon then, Luke would have fired off the text as soon as she appeared.

“What’s your poison?”

“Anything. I don’t care.”

Wraith really didn’t. Beer made her need to pee like crazy, cocktails sent the voices into a frenzy from sugar overload, but hard liquor straight soothed them. Luke knew to only give her straight alcohol.

_You’re a mess._

Fuck off.

The first shot burned all the way down, a reminder that she hadn’t eaten today and after running through dimensions trying to set her head straight, she knew she should put something else into her body.

Wraith really didn’t care.

By the time she saw Elliott coming through the door, she was around half a bottle deep. Her tolerance was higher than a regular person, but she could still feel a buzz. What she was drinking she wasn’t entirely sure, but the voices were gone and for the first time all day she felt like she could think clearly. Out of the corner of her eye she watched him approach her slowly. At some point he’d changed his clothes, no longer in his jeans from earlier, now clad in sweatpants and a band shirt with a name she didn’t recognize. His hair was wet and his tanned face was unusually pale.

“Hey kid, how are you doing,” he asked gently, eyes finding hers.

“It’s quiet up here,” she replied, clumsily bringing up one finger to tap her forehead. “I can think again.”

Elliott laughed quietly, but the sound was hollow and guilt curled in Wraith’s gut.

Turning back to Luke she asked for the tab, raising her eyebrows when he said it was taken care of.

“Hey, boss’s orders, what can I say?”

“Next time don’t give her half a bottle of the good whiskey,” Elliott told him with a wink, the words holding no malice as Elliott tried to keep up a normal persona.

Wraith followed him out to her truck, his shirt hanging off of her one shoulder, making the sleeves appear even longer. She felt a little like a child waiting to be chastised.

This was her mess and instead of talking through her own meltdown, she’d snapped at him and then just took off.

“I’m sorry.”

The black haired man opened the passenger door with a small sigh, motioning for her to get in. Once the car was moving Wraith repeated her apology.

“Elliott I really am sorry, I didn’t mean to call you a coward. There’s no excuse.”

His usually comical features were furrowed for a moment, before his shoulders tensed. “I was a coward.”

Wraith opened her mouth to protest but he cut her off.

“Wait, hear me out.” He swung the truck onto the highway heading for his house.

Good, Wraith thought, at least he wasn’t taking her back to her apartment. She didn’t want to be alone when her buzz wore off.

“I-I.. nuh..nev. Fuck.”

Wraith hadn’t heard him stutter in a long time; he was nervous. His fingers drummed an uneven rhythm on the steering wheel as he sat for a moment lost in thought.

_He’s organizing his words._

She’d seen him do this before, it had been a common occurrence when they first met. He’d always had a stutter, but it was most prominent in anxious situations.

“I don’t want to shoot you. I don’t. It’ll hurt me as much as it’ll hurt you. I promise you that and I’m a coward for thinking that just giving in to it would make it easier for you because it won’t. If you feel the same way about me as I do you, it’ll be awful either way, but I can do it because I know that you’ll come out of it ok. I know that you’ll be waiting for me at your truck at the end of the day and that’s what gets me through.”

Elliott paused for a second before he continued.

“I’m a coward because I haven’t said a lot of things to you that I wish I could, but I’ve never been quite ready to say them and I’m not sure you’re even ready to hear them really, but I’m going to say them now and if you want me to turn the car around I can. I want you to know exactly why it’ll kill me to shoot you because sometimes I feel like you think I just say the things you want to hear.” He looked more afraid than Wraith had ever seen him. “I’m friends with a few of the other legends and I don’t ever flinch turning a gun on them, but you? You I couldn’t. You’re not that simple. You and I, I think have been more than just friends for a while now. Maybe I’m wrong; maybe that’s just me imagining things. However, when we were cooking the Kraft Dinner a few weeks ago I got the impression that it wasn’t just one sided. You’re practically living with me right now and to be totally honest, I’ve never been as comfortable around another person. Your nightmares happen less when you’re at my house and whether that’s coincidence, hell I’m no shrink, I don’t know. So yes, I have been a coward. I’ve been dancing around saying this for weeks now but there never seemed a good time and I was so goddamn scared of fucking this all up. And please don’t think that this is about sex because it isn’t. I don’t care about that and I know it’s not something you’re comfortable with right now, the physical stuff has nothing to do with this, I just need you to know how I feel.”

Elliott turned to face her, the conviction on his face paired with apprehension. He thought she was going to bail, but something in Wraith’s shoulders had begun to unknot.

When she didn’t speak he returned his gaze to the wheel and continued. “I’m still not sure why I’m telling you this now because it only really makes the situation with the games a little more complicated, but when you disappeared I was worried I’d finally lost you. I walked into my kitchen and your sweater was on my kitchen counter and Boomer was walking around with your hairbrush. Your body wash is in my shower and my house smells like those weird candy flavoured wax melts you like and I love it. We’re intimate in a way that I’ve never been with anyone else in my whole life. I don’t know I guess what I’m trying to say is that I am a coward. Not because I don’t want to shoot you but because I’ve been hiding so much from you because I wanted to be the hero. I want to be the person you can turn to whenever shit gets too much but I’m also scared as hell about how I feel about you and I’m terrified of telling you but I’m also terrified that one day you won’t need me any more and I’ll have been too afraid to tell you how much you actually mean to me. And then I walk into the bar and you’re half wasted all because you can’t stand the thought of having to shoot me and I just wondered if maybe that was because you felt the same way.”

His voice was earnest and his expression open; he’d unravelled and laid himself bare before her.

Wraith sucked in a breath, glad that he was driving so that she didn’t have to school her face as much. She knew what he was saying, she really did. She knew that he was waiting for her to speak. To reassure him or announce that he’d gone too far.

_You love him._

She did.

She loved every part of him.

Fuck.

“You’re not wrong, it’s not one sided. I think that’s why I went off the deep end today. I know there’s the regeneration and I know you won’t stay dead but Elliott you’re all I have. I’m just not sure I want to put myself in a headspace where I can shoot you and give myself a free pass because I know you’ll come back. This isn’t like the paintball guns in the firing range. It’s real. We’ll hurt each other. There’ll be scars and I’ll have to spend the rest of my life looking at those scars knowing that I put them there,” Wraith paused, trying to figure out exactly what she wanted to say.

Elliott was silent and still, the only visible movement was his breathing. They were pulling into the driveway of his house and Wraith needed to get out. She needed to have the option to move while she spoke.

“Can we please do this inside?”

Elliott nodded mutely and followed her up the steps in a tense silence.

Wraith walked through the freshly renovated kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge as she was greeted by Boomer who was now carrying only half a hairbrush before heading to the living room where she could pace.

Both of them followed her, Elliott sitting on the couch obediently and Boomer wandering off to finish destroying what was left of her hairbrush. 

Wraith took a deep breath, wringing her hands as she turned towards Elliott, not quite knowing where to start.

_Just spit it out._

Shut up.

Slowly, she peeled off his shirt, letting it fall to the ground and pointed down at her right palm.

“This scar, I got when I blew up your oven. It’s right next to another scar that I assume is connected to the void because it tingles whenever I shift.”

She moved up to her wrist.

“This I got from my knife when I was practicing with them just after I escaped the asylum.”

Her finger moved up to her forearm where there was a crisscross of around 10 random scars, all less than a centimetre long.

“These are from the times only pain could bring me back from the edge. Before I even joined the games. When the only thing that could keep me from disappearing and losing myself in the void was pain, so I’d take my knife and pierce myself with just the tip. I’d sit there and watch the blood trickle and tell myself that I was real, I was human even though I wasn’t totally sure if that was true.”

She saw rather than heard Elliott’s small intake of breath at her confession, but he didn’t speak, she loved that he knew better than to interrupt her in that moment. Wraith didn’t need to hear that she was human or that she was good and everything was going to be okay. She needed to get this out.

“There’s random scars where bullets mangled the skin a little too well for the basic regeneration to work. The places where only a plastic surgeon could sew the jagged edges together. But then there’s a whole spiderweb of other scars and I have no idea where they came from. I have no idea where I came from either, but I don’t think it was good,” Wraith sighed and let her shoulders slump. “But with you, my life is good.”

She moved closer, sitting cross legged on the floor in front of him knowing that he wouldn’t move. It allowed her the freedom to sit or stand back up and pace without being restricted.

“I don’t like to be touched, but I like it when you do it. I like it when you kiss my forehead and when you hold my hand. You keep me calm when I’m panicking or I wake up from my nightmares. The voices are quieter, different, when I’m around you. I don’t have as many nightmares here, you’re right, but you also see less of the nightmares because I don’t wake up alone in a strange place all the time. I know my apartment shouldn’t be strange but it is, it’s cold and there’s always sirens and new people hanging around. It isn’t home. Here, in this house with you, I feel comfortable, like I belong here. This feels like home.”

Wraith looked up at him, desperately searching his eyes for some kind of recognition that what she was feeling was ok or normal even. Elliott’s expression had softened slightly, the emptiness that she’d seen there earlier had lessened and it spurred her to keep talking.

“You said that we’re more than friends, but Elliott, I-I don’t really know how to be with someone. Like, with them in a romantic sense and I don’t-” Wraith blushed furiously, a little ashamed and embarrassed as she tried to find the right words. “I don’t know how to be with you in the way other women do. You say that doesn’t matter but Elliott it does and one day it will too. I don’t know how to be with you like that. In the asylum I.. Elliott I’m pretty sure that I’m not a virgin but I don’t remember-”

Wraith stopped as her voice broke. 

How could she tell him something she wasn’t even sure of herself. Dreams- nightmares- weren’t fact. But this was something she just knew. The scars on the insides of her thighs, the half moons crescents of what could only have been fingernails told a story of their own.

She took a shaky breath. “I don’t want to lose you, that would kill me. I love the life I have here with you. I love that you kind of forced your way into my life and in turn I moved in without really asking. I can’t lose you and I never thought I’d feel this way about anyone. I spent so damn long shutting everyone out and I still do to everyone else. You just managed to worm your way into everything and now I can’t see my future without you in it and a year ago that would have made me angry. Connections and feelings make you weak, but you, you, make me stronger. Sometimes you’re the only thing holding me together and I’m sorry for that. I need you on so many damn levels that even my subconscious brings me here or takes me to the bar when I’m not thinking straight. It’s all because of you. Anywhere you are I’m safe. I’m not sure I can handle you pointing a gun at me because I don’t want to be in a game fearing you instead of having you at my six.”

Her fingers unconsciously traced the slither of skin between his socks and his sweatpants where they had ridden up. The steady heat of his skin a distraction as she tried to form her feelings into something coherent.

“I don’t know what we are and I know that this is the point in those movies you pretend not to like where people are like I loved you all along! but that I can’t and not because I don’t love you. I do. I love who I am when I’m with you, I love living here, I love this weird little life we’ve created without really realizing it. But I can’t tell you that I love you because I don’t really know what that is. I care about you more than anyone else in the world and it does feel weird to see you with other women in a way that I don’t really like. When you were making the Kraft Dinner and you caught me against the counter, that’s the only time that I can ever remember even considering kissing someone. I can see myself kissing you because I know that even if I panic or I have to stop, you won’t judge me. Even that day, you knew that I was panicking and you just said that I didn’t have to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with like you were in my head with me. I’ve never had anyone understand me like that, not even the voices. You never judge me and I think that’s why I took off earlier, you looked at me like I’d finally cracked.”

Finally Elliott spoke, leaning forward to grasp the hand that was touching his leg and squeezing it. “I wasn’t judging you, I’m sorry if it seemed that way, that wasn’t my intention. I was frustrated with the whole situation and I was fighting with myself and trying to convince you that it was going to be ok even when I wasn’t sure of that myself.”

She met his eyes and found them open and relaxed, much more than it had been a few moments earlier. Whatever she’d said, it had been ok.

They were ok.

They would be ok.

For once Wraith didn’t second guess herself as she crawled into his lap, one leg either side of his hips. Her arms wrapped around his back and she pulled herself against him as closely as she could manage. The tip of her nose brushed the underside of his jaw when she buried her face into his neck and she felt him shudder beneath her.

His hand found her face and he brushed a calloused thumb over her cheekbone as he spoke, his voice low and gruff with what sounded to Wraith like emotion.

“I don’t know what this is either. I don’t know what we are and this is nothing like anything I’ve experienced before either, but I know that I want to see where it goes. I’m not here for sex. I’m here for you. Just you, in all shapes and forms. I know you can do this on your own and you don’t need me as such, but I’m hoping that you want me.”

She nodded slowly without question.

She did want him around, she just wasn’t quite sure how to show it.

Trying to control the fear in her chest she focused on him, on how his body felt beneath her. He was all hard lines and muscle. The stubble of his sometimes-there beard was scratchy against her forehead, but his hands were strong and capable. His hands kept her safe, comforted her on her darkest nights. They soothed the demons within her, chasing away the sense of danger. His hands wrapped around a gun were quick and precise, but those same hands spinning her kunai knife one evening in the sparring ring had stirred something in her stomach that she hadn’t really known what do to with.

No one touched her knife, it was the only thing she possessed that was truly hers, but yet she’d handed them over to him to examine and play with without question.

He was warm and pliant beneath her and she wanted to show him how much she meant her words.

_Kiss him._

No.

_You wanted to then, you want to now. Just kiss him._

What if I react badly.

_What if you don’t?_

Oh baby, but what if you fly? She’d read that somewhere.

Wraith trusted the voices in battle, so far they had kept her safe. They’d been the first thing she had put her trust in. She’d trusted them before she’d even really trusted herself.

Now she trusted them once again, twisting herself to bring her face level with Elliott’s. He easily had six or seven inches on her height wise when they stood next to each other, but here with one of his arms under her thighs and her on top of him they were equal. He didn’t move and she felt him exhale through his nose slowly as she fought with her uncertainty. Wraith brought her hands up to cup his cheeks as he had with her when she’d hugged him and it didn’t fail to escape her attention that this was easily the most she’d ever touched him. The touch of his face steadied her and solidified her resolve.

Gently she brought her lips down to meet his, feeling the sweet heat there as she tasted him for the first time. Their lips lingered for a second before she felt the arm under her thigh tighten as he clenched his fists. She startled and pulled away with a small gasp. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“No! No, god no,” Elliott’s expression was dazed and his lips quirked into a smile. “I- fuck. I was trying not to be too much, I didn’t know if I touched you then if it would be too far. Fuck don’t apologize. I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long.”

“Really?” Wraith blushed again when her voice came out a little higher than she’d expected.

“Yes, ever since you punched me in the nose for stealing your heavy ammo that first game. That was before I ever really knew you.”

“That was a year ago. You said you didn’t care about that stuff.”

“And I don’t, but god it still felt so nice to kiss you.”

“I was scared I would panic. But I didn’t, it felt nice.” Wraith admitted.

“I’d like to do it again, if you’re okay with that?” Elliott tucked a piece of hair behind her ears, hand lingering there, ready to pull her back in if she permitted, but the touch was light enough that she didn’t feel forced.

She could say no if she wanted to and he would be okay with that. As always, there was no pressure with him, she could do things in her own time. This time was now.

With a small smile, Wraith nodded any allowed him to bring their mouths back together. This time, she tasted whiskey on his lips combined with his own scent. There was no disgust and Wraith found she actually enjoyed the feeling of him against her, surrounding her. No one else made her feel like he did, the hand on the back of her neck was gentle, thumb stroking her hair. Holding her against him as he kissed her with no real force. It didn’t matter, she was melting into him. He had her. He always had her.

The kiss was soft, but when he pulled away she felt her lips tingle at the loss of contact and without realizing she brought her fingers up to touch them. Elliott gave her a crooked smile, but not like the one he gave the crowds outside of the arena. This one was more unsure.

Here they were Wraith and Elliott, two inherently damaged people trying to be who they were after all the trauma they’d experienced. To the crowds they were Wraith and Mirage. There was no room for their fears and insecurities.

At home their alter egos were forgotten and they could just be. They could pretend that tomorrow they wouldn’t have to face each other with loaded guns. Right then and there, they were two people trying to figure out what they were to each other. Wraith was a person experiencing her first kiss after spending as long as she could remember fearing any sort of human contact and Elliott was a guy who had built his reputation based on a mirage and had ended up trying to uphold that image of himself even though it hurt.

“Too much?” He asked.

Not enough and too much all at once, Wraith felt the heat within her body at his contact. He wasn’t even touching her skin directly any more but his finger trails left fire in their wake.

“Good.” Wraith didn’t have the words to describe how she felt, but that one word extracted a beaming smile from the man beneath her, so she figured that was fine. She didn’t have more to give and she didn’t want to ruin what had happened by pushing any further. The voices were quiet but hummed a warning when she shifted slightly and felt Elliott hard between her thighs. He couldn’t help that, she knew, but she still shifted away from that pressure, moving to sit sideways on his lap. Allowing his arms to envelope her, holding her steady like he had for so long as his lips brushed her forehead.

They were ok. This was ok.

Something between them had changed, but it was welcomed rather than feared.

Wraith was relieved.

Maybe she could do this, but slowly.

She didn’t have to fear the games because Mirage wasn’t Elliott. She could shoot the cocky trickster and come home to his alter ego. The real Elliott Witt.The man who held her when she cried. Who had kissed her tentatively like he might break her and she hadn’t minded. The man who made her feel like, although she was more than capable of holding herself together, that maybe sometimes it was ok to let someone else do that for you.

He pieced her back together and she let him be himself, she saw past Mirage to the person he truly was.

Yes, they were ok.

-o-

The first two games they’d been paired together and Wraith had gotten antsy. It was the third game when she found herself paired with two new legends. One had died almost instantly surrounded by four other squads after breaking off alone. Wraith was good, but she wasn’t suicidal enough to rush in there to try and grab his banner. By the time the mess had cleared, he had timed out.

Her second teammate was volatile, she had speed like Octane but could randomly blow herself up, killing the abilities of everyone nearby. Wraith had never seen anything like it before. It was cool to watch, but the girl was awful for running headlong into a full squad and Wraith quickly tired of chasing after her.

_Leave her._

_She’ll get you killed._

The voices were just as irritated as Wraith was and to make matters worse, her outfit today was stiff and gold, made to look like marble and after running in it for two hours she was about ready to rip it off. She was unbearably hot and her shoulders burned. Whoever had designed this could decidedly go straight to hell.

It was all going just swimmingly. Until it wasn’t.

Wraith didn’t think she’d ever seen anything like this within the games before. Mirage had been pushed against a wall and beaten half to death. Between the lack of abilities thanks to a Revenant and the purple shield he’d been wearing enabling him to take more damage, his face was red with blood and one of his shoulders was bent at an unnatural angle.

_Dislocated, not broken._

There was a gash above his eyebrows that was bleeding profusely.

_Head wounds always bleed more._

His lip was split in two places but he seemed to have all his teeth, which was always a bonus, however his nose was crooked and one cheekbone was swollen enough to prevent an eye opening. His breathing was laboured and Wraith was sure that despite his body shield, he would have bruised, if not broken, ribs.

But fuck there was so much blood; it ran down his neck staining his yellow bodysuit. His hands were covered but it looked like that was from touching his own face. Or it could have been the bullet wound in his side, a perfect angle to hurt like a bitch but nowhere close to anything major enough to give him the mercy of a quicker death.

“Do you have a med kit?” Elliott joked, gasping heavily as he turned towards her knowing that she had to kill him.

“Not for you. Even a med kit wouldn’t help you in this state.”

Wraith knew her voice was harder than usual, but the sight of the blood all over them had seized her throat, she knew she had to finish him off herself.

“Come on. There’s three squads left. I’m the last of my squad and I’m pretty sure there’s only two of the other squad. You can take them if you’re quick here.” Mirage told her. “Don’t make me wait for the timer or the ring, please, it hurts.”

Gunfire erupted in the distance letting Wraith know that her last remaining squadmate was being attacked, it was her own fault for running off again. Wraith was safe within the next ring and she hoped the other team would get caught up in the line before it came to a 2 vs 1 situation for first place.

She considered a grenade, but from experience she knew that the regeneration for that was way worse than a bullet and she had to hurry before the games masters called cheating.

“Please, fuck please.” Elliott coughed, the sound a gurgle and he choked around it. His chest convulsed and he spit up blood at her feet.

She couldn’t bear to see him like this, in agony and gasping for air that he couldn’t manage to suck in through the blood in his lungs.

“Ok, ok, I got you. I’m here I got you.” Wraith swapped guns, slinging her Kraber over her shoulder and pulling out the R-301, switching it from automatic to one-shot. She knew that by now the public would have seen her hesitation. She was confirming the fan theories.

The charismatic trickster begging her to shoot him and her hesitating to do it.

She’d be lucky if both their asses didn’t get hauled in for disrupting games.

Her finger twitched on the trigger as she looked down the scope. Elliott gave her a lopsided smile, mangled with pain, still struggling to breathe and she closed her eyes and tightened her trigger hand.

**2 squads left.**

Opening her eyes, she saw his deathbox. She’d done it.

Just get it over with and you can get back to him.

This statement forced the fire back into her and adrenaline pulsing she turned back to the last fight of the day. Wraith crouched by a window with her Kraber pointed toward the direction that she’d heard the shooting. She could see the team running, but the line was faster and they were too close to it to be safe on an uphill incline.

A quick shot finished off one, their deathbox popping up immediately. The second went down in the line but she could see him trying to self revive. Wraith took aim, letting her lungs exhale as she pulled the trigger.

You are the Apex Champions.

Wraith breathed a sigh of relief, it was over and she could already hear the engines of the approaching Dropship. Returning to Elliott’s box, she allowed herself to slump to the ground, resting her head against the wall tiredly.

“Let’s go home.”

-o-

No regeneration was deemed necessary for her wounds after she was through being stitched up and Wraith was grateful, it left her free to find Elliott who was already half way through his regeneration hopped up on painkillers and cranky as hell. He complained the whole time they were waiting for his X-ray results that he didn’t want to go a back to the med bay, so she reluctantly accepted the painkillers from the nurse and pushed his bloody form up into her truck.

“You so owe me a detailing after getting blood all over my seats.”

“Something to remember me by.”

He’d managed to avoid the reporters but she had got the full brunt of them for over an hour and she was done with the day. Question after question about why she hadn’t just shot Mirage when she’d had the chance.

Why had she hesitated?

Why had it looked like she was fighting with herself?

Are you two an item?

Is there a budding romance within the games?

Wraith could imagine tomorrow’s headlines already.

Once home, she ran him a bath and rolled her eyes at his complaints about his modesty when she instructed him to take off his suit. It wasn’t like this was the first time she’d seen him naked, they’d lived together for so long that she from experience knew that he never locked the bathroom door when he showered, leading to some uncomfortable encounters. He also liked to cook shirtless, and do laundry and watch TV. At this point she was actually sure that she wore his shirts more than he did. Then there had been the game of strip poker. Elliott had been drunk so his poker face was godawful. On a good day he was like an open book, but drunk he had no chance, he might as well have announced his hand. She hadn’t taken any of her clothes off when she lost and no one had commented on it.

“The nurse said you’re not to be left alone for a while, which includes- what the fuck are you doing?” Wraith asked through gritted teeth. “No, Boomer does not need to be in here.”

“He’s my friend.”

“That’s fantastic, but he’s a friend who needs to wait to visit. No, Elliott for fuck’s sake- Elliott he doesn’t want to dance with you. Let go of him.”

Boomer’s tail wagged happily as Elliott pretended to serenade him with a ball dance, the Pitbull stood on his hind legs allowing Elliott to hold his front paws in his hands. The traitor.

Whatever drugs they’d given him Wraith wondered if she could get some for recreational purposes. Purely for scientific reasons. Obviously.

“Boom, out!” Wraith told the dog, snapping her fingers at him and closing the door behind, she didn’t need the dog in there making this harder than it already was.

She wanted to get this over now, before the painkillers wore off. Elliott was happy and floaty for now, so he wouldn’t feel the pain of his injuries. From experience, bathing and then trying to fall asleep when every inch of your body hurt was much worse if you waited until the drugs wore off.

Elliott stumbled when he tried to take off his pants, ending up sat on the toilet clad in only his boxers, jumpsuit tangled around his ankles. Sighing, Wraith moved forward to help him.

“You’re hurt too.” He told her, voice suddenly forlorn.

Wraith didn’t miss the ups and downs of the painkillers, after the first few times she’d opted to just deal with the pain. Even though she was in pain, at least she was in control of herself.

“I’m fine. Managed the whole game without taking a full clip for once. Even this bullet only grazed the top of my trapezius. Not like you. You look like you went three rounds with the train. How did you run out of ammo for both guns?” Wraith’s voice was gentle despite the light chastising.

“I couldn’t find anything. Both guns took heavy. It was a bad decision.” Elliott looked at the wall deep in thought as though reliving that part of the game.

He shuddered and flinched.

“Rookie error, Witt.”

“Says you, you lost both teammates. Need me to buy you some kid leashes?” Elliott rolled his eyes at her and waved one arm theatrically, though in what gesture Wraith couldn’t ascertain.

“You’re mighty chipper for someone who can’t even take off his own pants.”

“Drugs. Not my fault. I’m innocent.”

Wraith laughed at that and pulled him to his feet. “Ok, you’re going to take off your boxers and get into the bath. Do you think you can manage that?”

Elliott mumbled something under his breath as he did as he was told.

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing.”

Wraith huffed tried to suppress her smirk and pushed him into the tub, avoiding looking any further down than his chest. It may have been something she’d seen before, but for some reason looking whilst he was drugged and incoherent just seemed wrong somehow. “You’re like a child. I’ve met toddlers more mature than you.”

“How many toddlers have you met?”

“A few.”

“Name five.”

“Elliott this is ridiculous. I am not listing toddlers.”

“That’s because you haven’t met any.”

“I met Ajay’s younger brother. He was two. He was definitely more mature than you are right now.”

“That’s one.”

“We meet them all the time at fan expos.”

“They don’t count.”

“Fine then. According to your rules, I’ve met one toddler. Happy?”

“I’m always happy when you’re here.” Elliott blinked innocently up at her, fluttering his eyelashes in that obnoxious way he did when he knew he was winding her up.

“That’s great, now can you keep still so I can get all this blood off of you. I’m really not sure how you’re so covered unless you rolled around in it.”

“Technically I crawled around in it.”

Wraith opened her mouth and pointed her finger at him, but then decided it wasn’t worth the discussion. “Fine. Let’s just get you clean and get you into bed without any further unnecessary movement. My stitches can’t take it and I really don’t want to have to redo them myself tonight.”

“Yes ma’am.” Elliott nodded, ducking his head and allowing her to sponge the back of his neck.

After what seemed like an age, finally he was free of blood. The regeneration had taken care of the open wounds, but there was extensive bruising and a new scar on his abdomen from the bullet earlier. The scar from her bullet was hidden by his hair and Wraith thanked her lucky stars for that.

She deposited him into bed, breathing heavily at the effort and waited to make sure he was asleep before heading back into the bathroom to take her own bath. Showering with the stitches was out of the question and although she never felt fully clean after a bath, it was better than nothing.

Boomer lay on the bathmat while she scrubbed herself down, her silent protector. Every now and again his ears would prick and Wraith would listen up to make sure Elliott wasn’t choking or hadn’t taken a fall but the man hadn’t moved at all when she returned. Wraith wound her hair up into a loose bun and pulled on her pyjamas. Even though all they’d done was kiss, she’d still taken to sharing his bed. It was much more comfortable than the mattress in the guest room and wrapped up in Elliott’s arms she’d found the voices would quieten. Sleep came easier to her those nights, her slipping into a dreamless unconsciousness rather than being plagued by nightmares.

Wraith settled next to him, pulling the duvet up around her ears carefully so as not to jostle the sleeping man. He still stirred next to her, hands reaching out and pulling her into him. She didn’t struggle, her position as little spoon was accepted only because of the lines Elliott’s hands would trace into her skin as she drifted off to sleep.

He kissed her forehead and murmured something unintelligible but didn’t fully wake and Wraith was glad of it. The drugs would be wearing off about now and she knew he would feel like crap in the morning.

Now that she’d come down from her post match high, she too felt exhausted and bone weary. It had been a long, hard day for both of them but they’d made it through. Just like Elliott had promised, he’d been there waiting for her even after she’d had to put him in her scope. He’d been safe and ready to go home, if not entirely lucid.

Wraith knew that it wasn’t something she’d ever get used to, shooting the person who meant everything to her. She hoped that they’d be teamed up more often than not, or that another competitor would pick him off before they had to come face to face.

_Four more games._

Wraith pressed her cheek against Elliott’s chest, the fingers of her left hand stroking the dark hair there as she released a long breath and closed her eyes. No matter what happened in the last four games of the challenge, she would have this afterwards.

And that thought was enough to see her through the hell of pointing a gun at the man she shared her life with. She wasn’t sure what they were officially, but neither of them cared and plus, they had a whole lifetime to figure it out.

  
-o-


	6. my hands (they shake)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary:  
> Wraith hadn’t known that she suffered from cleithrophobia, but she did now.  
> Or, the one where Wraith gets trapped within the maps and Elliott is brought in to keep her from sending all of the rescuers into another dimension.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:  
> Hello, it’s me again, back with a fic that was supposed to be short and ended up not being. This is a little all over the place and I like it that way, I hope you will too. I wanted to reflect the thought process of someone who is trapped. Cleithrophrobic is the fear of being trapped.  
> I know zero about electromagnetic fields. I literally took my own head canon and did whatever the hell I wanted with it.  
> In the “Voidwalker” trailer, one of the scientists called Wraith ‘61137’ which I assume would be her experiment number/code like a lab rat. I took it and ran. I also threw in Crypto as a character here as I thought it might be cool to add the extra dynamic in there, I kind of like it.  
> For anyone who wonders what Boomer looks like, instagram ‘my name is Tatum’ and that’s how I envision him.
> 
> THERE IS A SECOND PART OF THIS AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS CHAPTER, I HAVE PUT A SPACE AND A WARNING AS THE TAGS CHANGE. WARNING FOR TORTURE, ABUSE, RAPE AND EXPERIMENTS ON PEOPLE!
> 
> Notes for Part 2:
> 
> Note:  
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: TORTURE/RAPE. PLEASE DON’T READ IF THIS MAY TRIGGER YOU.  
> So this chapter was shorter than I thought, I made it brief because I’m going to deal with the backlash in future one-shots, I didn’t see the point in huge descriptions because things like this don’t go away with a quick kiss and a cuddle, even from Elliott. Everyone reacts to trauma differently, so please know that I wrote this with that in mind. As someone who was attacked as a teenager, I relate to being made to watch the videos of said attack and I wrote this based upon that. It was therapeutic for me in a way that I could never have imagined.

-o-

Wraith hadn’t known that she suffered from cleithrophobia, but she did now.

_Run._

_Stuck._

_Get out._

_Get out._

_Get OUT._

The voices swirled around her head getting more and more desperate by the second. Apparently she was scared of being trapped in every dimension.

The incessant chatter was only magnified by the heavy electrical pulses of the malfunctioning charge towers. The voices had warned her about them time after time, they couldn’t be trusted.

They use the towers to power their experiments. Our experiments.

Wraith wasn’t sure what they were talking about, but it included her. Had she been an experiment or had she been the result of a botched experiment? Had she done experiments on people? That could explain the memory loss and how she’d ended up in a mental asylum.

The computers around her were her only source of light, they flickered constantly not even steadying when Wraith hit the buttons on the keyboards, desperately trying to pull up something that might help her. Portalling was no use, she’d tried. With all the random and sporadic electrical currents, her control had been lost. Even the voices had warned her against it.

_You’ll get lost._

_You’ll lose yourself._

_Senior Science Pilot Renee Blasey first report._

_Or I’ll have to do this thing myself.._

_Project Wraith._

The sound systems had played the short recording over and over for the first few minutes until gradually the game makers had regained control of the coms system enough to shut it down.

It was long enough for Wraith to recognize her own voice.

61137.

Wraith.

61137.

Wraith.

Renee?

No.

_It’s who you are._

Crazy.

Alone.

Weak.

Wraith collapsed against the closest wall, burying her head in her hands as she let out a choked sob. “Please make it stop.”

61137.

Experiment 61137.

Renee.

She couldn’t escape it. The voices had warned her about traps when she’d run down into the labs but she hadn’t thought that Crypto’s EMP could have this sort of effect. Apparently he hadn’t either judging by the horror on his face when all of the doors slammed closed. The electrical currents combined wth the charge towers had caused a surge within the systems and something had exploded. Part of the labs had collapsed and the one remaining accessible exit door had been jammed, blocked by more rubble. The game makers had tried to get to her by shutting off the power, but the charge towers had a mind of their own apparently. Wraith wasn’t sure if Crypto had managed to escape and the thought of him trapped under the rubble on the other side of the doors made her stomach churn. They might have been enemies within their opposing game squads, but outside of that he was one of the few people she actually trusted.

She’d yelled up at the coms to get him first if he was trapped. Although she was spiralling, technically she was fine.

The temperature in the lab was steadily rising and she started to disarm, pulling off her backpack and weapons leaving only her kunai. She wondered if the match was still being aired live, but couldn’t quite find it in herself to care. Her jumpsuit was heavy and usually she didn’t mind how tightly it fitted. Anything loose would get tangled or become a hinderance, this would get you killed. Now in her panic, it felt strangling and she started to tear at it to get it off. It left her in a sports bra and bicycle shorts but that didn’t matter. The only part of her gear that she pulled back on was her boots, not wanting to stand on any rubble in bare feet.

By her estimations it had been three hours since she’d originally become stuck and the coms had crackled once after they’d managed to shut down the repeating voice memo to let her know that there was a lot of rubble and it could take them a while to get to her. There had been no reply when she’d asked if Tae Joon had made it out, nor how long they thought it would take them to get to her. There was a lot of cave before the room she was trapped in and eventually her oxygen would run out if there was no airflow.

That hadn’t helped her terror.

There are oxygen tanks in the lab.

Wraith knew that, she could see them, but there weren’t masks.

If it reached that point, Wraith would take the risk of getting lost in the dimensions. That was abetter option than suffocating underground.

_Behind you._

_Run!_

Wraith swung around as a computer nearby crackled and shut down completely. Luckily no smoke erupted from it, a fire was all she needed. Sweat beaded on her forehead and she looked upwards at the roof.

“If someone is listening to me, please can you reply.”

Nothing.

_They’ve left you._

No, they haven’t. Elliott would never let that happen.

Oh fuck! Elliott. Had he been close enough to the explosion to be caught up in the rubble?

_He’s fine, he portalled out before it started to collapse._

That’s right, she’d seen him go at least a minute before. He’d told her to follow him but she’d been determined to get the kill so had remained behind.

Elliott was ok. He would have been well clear.

The knot in Wraith’s stomach loosened minutely. Elliott was ok, that made things better.

“Please reply.” If she’d been calmer, Wraith probably would have been embarrassed about how close her tone was to begging, but the hysteria that bubbled up in her throat when the coms didn’t even so much as crackle overwhelmed everything.

_Run._

_Run._

_RUN_

_GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT_

_BEHIND YOU_

_They’re watching you!_

_You’re in danger._

_Move._

_Everything is going to come crashing down._

Wraith’s breath caught and she crumpled under a nearby table, her head cradled in her hands.

“Stop, please stop.”

_No. You have to know._

_You have to do something._

“ What am I supposed to do?”

_Anything. Pull yourself together._

_Are you just going to let this happen?_

_Why aren’t you fighting?_

“STOP!”

She screamed, unable to control her breathing any more. Her chest was tight and the lump in her throat prevented the air from reaching her lungs.

“I can’t breathe. Please I can’t breathe.”

No one could hear her. It was pointless.

Pulling herself unsteadily to her feet she staggered over to the door and began pulling at them frantically, gasping the whole time. She thought that tying to get out would make her feel better, like she was doing something to get herself out of the situation, but it didn’t. It just made the gravity of her helplessness worse. The doors must have bent because she couldn’t even open them inwards.

“Stop. You could compromise the integrity of the ceiling. We are currently trying to assess the stability of the building.” The voice came crackly, but finally there was a response.

“I can’t breathe.” She told the ceiling, but the voice was gone again.

“I ca-I can’t..” Wraith broke off and vomited on the ground, her left hand extended towards the wall to steady her as she wretched up the contents of her stomach. Her torso trembled with a combination of fear and the effort of trying to calm herself.

She had to do this alone. Elliott wasn’t here. There were no arms wrapped around her this time and there was no way out.

Wraith had never really been trapped anywhere after escaping he asylum, not even the rickety old elevator on in her apartment building. She had never experienced this feeling of claustrophobia before.

_Cleithrophobia, not claustrophobia._

Does it matter? Is there even a difference?

_Cleithrophobia is the fear of being trapped, claustrophobia is the fear of tight spaces._

At least one version of her within all the dimensions could remain calm, Wraith thought.

She span the kunai in her right hand and tried to focus on the feel of that in her fingers. Moving away from the doors, she returned to her spot under the desk and pressed her left palm into the floor, focusing on the coolness there.

Ground yourself. Feel the concrete underneath you. Taste the air as it flows into your lungs.

In one, two three.

Hold one, two, three.

Exhale one, two, three, four, five.

Inhale one, tw-

_It’s coming. Above._

Wraith let out a surprised yell as dust hit the top of the desk and threw her hands over her head.

“I can’t breathe I can’t breathe.”

The crackling of electricity shot through her left arm as she cried out, fighting the void with everything that she had despite the pain. It would be easier just to slip into it. She couldn’t portal, but she knew that she could hold the void for hours.

_You won’t control it._

The one calm voice in her head had been firm about that from the start and she was who Wraith was listening to right now. The other voices were hysterical.

“It hurts.” She saw blood on her palms where her nails had dug into them from the force of her efforts. “Please make it stop. Please hurry.”

The purple sparked upwards around her arms without her permission and Wraith shook her head feeling tears flowing freely down her cheeks, though she wasn’t sure if it was the fear or pain that had brought them on. Her lungs screamed for air but nothing seemed to get past her gritted teeth.

“Do not panic. We believe the charge towers may be feeding from another power source and once this is located we can begin extraction.”

“I need to know if Tae Joon got out. Please tell me if he got out.”

Silence.

Wraith growled in frustration through her sobs, clutching at her hair. Her whole body was on fire and she was pretty sure it was nearing 100 degrees in the room even without the agony of the void fighting the electrical currents.

Pain.

_You can stop this._

Pain.

She shook her head, scrunching her eyes closed as tightly as possible, she was past this. Pain wasn’t her grounder any more. They’d worked through this. Pain didn’t control her any more, she could do this.

_You can’t do this._

Wetness on her upper lips and the metallic taste across her teeth told her that her nose was bleeding. Wraith wiped at it but the slight of the blood only made her head swim.

_You don’t care about blood._

She didn’t, the voice was right. But the blood told her one thing.

The void was winning.

Her control was wavering and her body couldn’t handle it.

She wasn’t strong enough. There was only one way to release it before she exploded, the pressure growing too great within her body for her to handle. Her muscles cramped and it felt as though every part of her was expanding. She needed the let up, even just for a few seconds.

With one arm she threw open a portal, expecting to give herself a break from the unbearable feeling that she was about to explode.

_Wrong._

Wraith felt the familiar feeling of the phrase suddenly combined with the white light of the electricity from the charge towers. In that moment she realized what the voice had been trying to tell her. Her power to stop it was gone, the force of the other charges had swept her away.

Fuck, it was so much. It was too much.

“NO! STOP!”

The person in the coms was shouting now, they sounded frightened almost. Wraith could feel the energy spike that they must be seeing and if Crypto’s EMP could do as much damage as it had she could only imagine what she was capable of if she didn’t harness this, but she couldn’t help it, it had gone beyond her control.

“I can’t stop it.”

A laptop swirled around her and was thrown through the portal, almost like it were one of the cars in the tornado documentaries she had seen with Elliott. Wraith watched it with a grim fascination.

She could just end it.

Walk through and be free of it.

Maybe one day she could even find her way back again.

_You couldn’t._

“Fuck,” Wraith snarled, gritting her teeth in an attempt to stem their trembling.

She finally managed to suck in a breath, the terror not easing at all. This was out of control.

The person in the coms was screaming at her to stop, loose equipment and rubble was being sucked into the portal along with all of her strength.

It was morbidly beautiful

The lights, purple and the flashes of white, like lightening. Like the firework display Elliott had taken her to on July 4th.Shadows of people within the other dimensions watched her, a shape that looked strangely like a dog, a man holding a syringe, a mountain crumbling, the flash of a bullet zipping across and a woman holding a baby.

Thousands, millions, of different lives all held within her hands.

The woman holding the baby turned to her and although Wraith couldn’t make out her features she could see her outline clearly. If Wraith hadn’t been so delirious she’d have sworn it was a reflection of herself. The bun, the small frame and the blue light in her eyes. The woman shook her head, clutching the baby to her.

 _Let go_.

Wraith watched for a moment, mesmerized by the moment of the shadow’s mouth as she realized that the woman was talking to her.

_You have to let go._

_It’s too much chaos._

_Let go_.

She watched as a man joined the woman and the baby. He was taller, broader in the shoulders but Wraith would know the angle of those cheekbones anywhere. Elliott’s outline turned towards her and this time it was his voice she heard in her head.

_You have to close it kid._

_Please go back._

_Let go._

Wraith tried, letting her hand go limp she collapsed forward, coughing, spluttering and clutching at her stomach. The portal closed but the void remained connected.

The person in the coms was still screaming at her, but Wraith could barely hear anything over the buzzing of her head. So many voices all vying for her attention that she wondered if her skull would explode. She could feel the void still licking at her, the towers still holding onto her power despite the closure of the portal and the bubbling hysteria around her was uncontrollable.

“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I can’t I’m sorry I can’t.”

The knowledge that she was babbling didn’t stop her, if she was babbling she could suck in a breath. If she could speak she could survive.

So she spoke. Her apology became a chant. The knife in her hand became the only thing that was real. The energy around her grew and grew. She could feel the portals fighting to open, but then evaporating before they even had the chance. If she opened her eyes she knew that the room would be lit up in those gorgeous purple and white lines, but she didn’t dare for fear of what else she might see.

There was so much noise and at the same time nothing at all.

It was deafening.

The voices in her head were no longer coherent, their incessant words merging into one big whooshing noise.

“Wraith?”

No. No. don’t do this to me, not him. Don’t bring him into this.

“Wraith I need you to listen to me.”

“No.”

“Hey I know you can’t really think right now, but if you can just focus on my voice.”

No.

“I can’t. I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t sorry sorry.”

This voice was as familiar as her own but Wraith wasn’t sure if it was her head betraying her, conjuring him from memory in her desperation. She couldn’t go through the disappointment of him not being real, not when she so badly needed him.

“It’s ok. I see you. You’re breathing. You’re doing it.”

Wraith’s forehead scraped against the floor of the labs with every sob. She was hunched over and somehow she had crawled into the middle of the room. Had she crawled or were the forces around the room dragging her? Papers span around her, she could feel them slapping against her as they spiralled.

“It hurts so much. God it hurts, it hurts and I can’t stop it,” she whimpered. “It’s too much.”

“Renee!” Another voice, this one unfamiliar.

“I’m not Renee. I don’t know who that is.”

The familiar voice returned. “I know, he’s being an id-id.. a dumbass.”

The stutter. Elliott! The manifestations in her head never stuttered.

“Elliott?”

“Hey kid. You don’t look so great down there.”

For the first time, Wraith found the strength to look upwards. The room didn’t stop spinning and the void didn’t calm, but his voice broke through all the others.

“Elliott it hurts. I can’t stop it.”

“I know, I’m so sorry.” Elliott’s voice was low and measured.

_They sent him here._

It didn’t matter to Wraith. He was here. He was safe.

“Tae Joon, Elliott. Where?”

Wraith felt a surge of electricity rip through here, setting every nerve ending alight with fire and she screamed in agony, her small body spasming with the effort of channelling it into something other than a portal.

“WHERE ELLIOTT PLEASE?” She was yelling but she didn’t care, her face was soaked in sweat and droplets of blood were hitting the floor. Her hands were covered in red and she could see it glinting off of the edges of her blade.

It had never been this bad before. Normally the hysteria came in waves; this was a tsunami.

“He’s ok. I swear, he’s ok. He’s in med bay. He got hit in the shoulder by some rubble but other than a broken collarbone he got out alive. I saw him and he just kept asking about you. He’s so sorry.”

“S’not his fault.”

“I know. You’ll have to tell him that yourself when you get out of here ok? Fix him with that four foot angry stare you’re so good at.”

Elliott laughed hollowly.

It was a fearful sound, not the full belly laughs she was used to, but something within Wraith broke and she laughed too. And then laughed some more until she was almost delirious with it.

Elliott was speaking to her and although she could hear the words, she couldn’t process them.

_He’s here._

_Above you._

_He’s watching you._

_You’re trapped._

_Get out._

_You have to turn it all off. He can’t help you until you do._

There was the calm voice again, right behind all the others.

“Wraith I need you to listen to me ok? Nod if you can hear me or give me some kind of sign that you know what I’m saying to you. Move your knife. Anything, it’s your choice.”

God Wraith loved his fucking stupid melodic voice.

She pushed her knife forward.

“Ok good, I’m taking that as the sign, that was perfect. I need you to listen. I know you’re scared okay? I can’t say I know just how of-af.. fuck… scared you are but I’m here and I’m scared too. I need you to do something for me ok? Move again if you’re still with me.”

Another knife twitch. Her head collapsed with the effort and her chin hit her sternum. She didn’t know how much energy she actually had left to fight.

Would it be the void that killed her?  
“I need you to turn it off. Whatever the void is doing I need you to shut it off. It’s channelling the fields from the charge towers and stopping us from turning the backups off. The rescuers can’t get in because of the pull of the portal. The towers are using you as a shield.”

So she was being pulled around.

“I’m sorry.”

“Fuck you don’t have to be sorry. I know it’s hard. I know you feel like you can’t control it, but if you don’t shut it off, it’s going to kill you. They told me not to tell you but you should know. Your heart rate is too high and they don’t know how much longer you can do this. It’s been over an hour-“

For some reason that surprised her, it felt like it had been only a few seconds.

“I can’t.”

“You can, please. You have to, I can’t-”

“Just let me go.”

The noise over the coms was broken, strangled almost. Wraith forced down the noises in her head.

“Please. Please let go. You have to control the void. I know you can do it, but you have to do it now.”

He was crying.

Wraith had never seen Elliott cry, not ever. He was always so strong and stoic about everything.

It wasn’t right.

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t ha-have to be sorry. Just listen to me. I need you to unclench your fists and let go of whatever it is that you feel like you’re holding onto.”  
“It hurts. I already let go for you once, it didn’t get better. It hurts so much” He wouldn’t know about the other ‘Elliott’, but he didn’t question it.

“i know, but you have to. For me.”

For Elliott. Always for Elliott.

“Are you real?”

“Yes I swear. I’m not in your head, I’m sat in the coms room with all the cool buttons and the weird recording that tells you about the care packages. There’s no posh lady up here like we said that time, do you remember?”

Wraith nodded and let out a bark of laughter, she did remember.

“Can you do that for me? Can you push back the void?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know, but I need you to focus on what I’m saying to you. Do you feel your heartbeat in your chest?”

She did feel it. It felt like a sledgehammer crashing against the inside of her ribcage over and over.

“Yes.”

“Can you count it for me? Every beat. I need you to count it.”

“My head is so fuzzy.”

“I know baby, I know. I need you to count.”

_He’s scared._

_You’re scaring him._

“Stop!”

_Fucking count!_

So she did.

By the time she hit one hundred she was gasping for air, but she could feel it hot as it filled her lungs. Elliott was counting with her, replacing the numbers she couldn’t manage to force out with his own voice, but slowly, so damn slowly, her vision cleared a little. It wasn’t much and the wave hadn’t passed, but it was enough for Wraith to be able to open her eyes.

Her forearms were stained red and her hands were covered in blood. Her knife was still held firmly in her right hand, but she was gripping the blade against her thumb, slicing open the skin there. It stung like hell, but she could feel it. She could feel something over the void.

The papers flying around in the room were slowing, the hurricane she’d created lessening with each passing second as she counted along with Elliott. She couldn’t keep up with her own heartbeat and when she tried the hurricane picked up again, so she aimed for every other thrum hoping that that would be good enough to please him.

“You’re doing so well Wraith, just keep counting.”

The purple wasn’t laced with white any more and it wasn’t reaching further than her own personal bubble. Wraith couldn’t feel the lightening any more, there was no more of the fiery heat licking up and down her body agonizingly. Just the void was left.

The void she could stop.

She’d done this before.

She thought about coming back to him, about the time she’d portalled into the bar to get back to him.

She thought about his face, calm and kind. The humming of his voice as he sang along to Bob Marley.

Every little thing, is going to be alright.

He loved that song. She loved him.

She let go.

In the split second before she released her hold on what seemed like the entire universe, Wraith wondered if she would feel relief. She was disappointed to find that she didn’t. Her body slumped sideways, limbs trembling with the effort of having held her together for so long.

There was no relief, just a floating sensation.

Wraith blinked slowly, watching as everything drifted back to the ground around her.

“You did it. Wraith you did it, you did so good. Wraith can you hear me?”

She could hear him, but she couldn’t respond. Her mouth couldn’t open, her eyes could barely close. The voices were gone, quiet for now.

It felt as though she were underwater, a dizzying heaviness settling over her.

Was this another form of death?

Wraith knew what it felt like to die, she was no stranger to the feeling of life leaving her body. This sensation was different.

Elliott was begging her to speak and she knew she should reply. They would know she was alive. If they’d been able to track her heart beat, they’d know she was still alive. Someone should tell him.

The lights had gone out around her, leaving her in darkness with her own thoughts, only she had none.

God she was hot. Her body still trembled and her breathing, although regulating, was still jagged around the edges. She was no longer in the tsunami, but rather underneath it, trapped in the drag of the current that was left behind by the chaos.

The coms crackled and quietened and for a moment she thought Elliott had gone.

Moments passed in total silence. The hum of the electricity had ceased, they’d managed to turn it off.

“They’re coming, the damage isn’t too bad and they don’t think the ceiling where you are is compromised.”

He’d come back.

That was good, Wraith thought. That would make it easier.

_You could portal out now._

She couldn’t.

She didn’t have the strength left.

A crash outside of her room drew a whimper and a full body flinch from her aching form.

“Hey, hey, don’t worry you’re good. They’re just pulling apart some of the debris. They should be with you in less than an hour. Just listen to me, concentrate on me. Do you remember the day we met? I told you that I was afraid of the dark because we walked into the bunker and the lights were all out? You laughed at me? Did I ever tell you the story of it? How it’s my brothers’ fault?”

She hummed, still unable to speak, but Elliott never spoke about his brothers. It was an unwritten rule, unless he offered information, Wraith would leave the topic alone.

He had to know that she was listening.

_He knows._

She hoped that were true.

“I was so excited to finally meet you. I couldn’t believe I’d been teamed up with you and then we walked into that. It was so dark in there, not as dark as where you are, but all I could see was your eyes and the purple of the void smoke around you. You weren’t even a little bit scared that someone had shot the lights out. You just knew there was no one there. I remember following you around, you were my light.”

Elliott was nervous, she could hear the wobble in his voice.

“When I was a kid, my brothers would always play jokes on me, they’d leave me in places or lock me in the bathroom and turn the light off. This one time, I was only around 6 years old and I was in the bath. My Mom had to run to the labs for an emergency and they were supposed to look after me but I’d annoyed them at dinner by putting my carrots on their plates and Mom had made them eat them thinking they were trying to blame me for it.”

Wraith let out a little laugh, gasping at the hurt it caused.

“There it is, my favourite sound, well the laugh anyway, see I knew you were still listening.”

From anyone else, that would have been patronizing, but Elliott never mocked her. Well, not in a malicious way anyway.

Her heartbeat was slower, more like she’d been jogging mid-game rather than the painful throbs before. The exhaustion though was unlike anything she’d ever felt before. Every part of her ached, her chest protested to even her breathing and her eyes streamed with tears that she had no energy left to sob over. The fear was still there, she still trembled but with her knees pulled up to her chest she could pull her body into a ball and convince herself that it was ok.

The tsunami had passed, the after waves had slowed and she felt as though she’d hit every rock on her way to the shore. But the shore was near. If Elliott promised her something, he kept it.

“So anyway, they’re mad at me and Mom was gone. I’m in the bath and they set it up nicely. A nice bubble bath, I had an action figure that I would carry around everywhere because my Mom said it was like my Dad, I don’t know but as a kid who didn’t have a dad you like to imagine him as a superhero right? My oldest brother was giggling the whole time and I thought they were just laughing because I had to go to bed so much earlier than them. Nope. I was in the bath and they locked me in there and turned off the lights. It would have been cool, normally bathrooms have windows right? Not this one.”

Wraith narrowed her eyebrows but Elliott’s voice wasn’t overly sad. And plus, it was actually helping a little. She could close her eyes and pretend like everything hadn’t been ripped apart around her and instead focus on the actions of four boys with too much energy and imagination.

“So kid me started yelling for a minute or so for someone to come and telling them it’s not funny any more. Eventually I got up to get out of the bath to go and open the door. They’d put a speaker in there and it was playing all these creepy ass sounds from horror movies and six year old me is hysterical. Anyway, the bathroom had tiled floors and I was wet so I dripped water everywhere, I couldn’t see where I was going but I was running all over the place trying to get the door to open and I slipped and hit my head on the side of the tub. I started crying and yelling and they all definitely must have heard the bang because they all came running in. Blood everywhere. My oldest brother, Josh, was frantic because he knew my Mom would freak out right? She’d left him in charge and they’d gotten me hurt and it was totally their fault. I ended up just with a black eye and a bloody nose but he got me ice cream and promised to take me for cheeseburgers, anything to stop me ratting him out to Mom. I made him do my chores for weeks afterwards, but I always heard the monsters in the dark after. So that’s why I don’t like the dark.”

Wraith wasn’t sure she’d like the dark after that either.

People were getting closer. She could hear the scraping of the machinery around her, even over the surge of the voices at the shifting rocks. WheneverElliott stopped speaking, even if it was only for a few seconds they took the chance to let her know how they felt.

Some of them were blaming her, some where yelling that she could have killed them all.

The one calm voice told her that she was doing well.

She could never be sure, but Wraith thought that that voice was the version of her with the baby. The version of her that was living with Elliott in a happier, more peaceful dimension.

“So, now though I don’t have to worry as much, because I sleep with you and Boomer. Boom always barks when he hears a noise. If I get spooked, I just look at him and if he’s still sleeping, I know I’m good. If you don’t wake up and he doesn’t budge I just assumed that it was all in my head.”

Elliott sounded out of breath and the coms had gotten suddenly fuzzier. Wraith could hear voices outside of the doors through the haze in her head. Her focus was on Elliott and only him, but there were other people coming.

“Hey kid, they’re about to break through to the doors ok? Do you think you can manage to move to somewhere covered, just incase anything falls?” He was definitely out of breath. It sounded as though he was running.

Wraith wasn’t sure if she could move, she wanted to. She didn’t want to be in this position when others arrived. She didn’t want them to touch her. Medics would be coming, the nurses. She’d have to go to the med bay and they’d poke and prod her there. Her skin was already on fire, she didn’t need more, didn’t need to be grabbed at by random people as well.

Forcing her eyelids open took far more effort than Wraith had ever thought possible, her head swam as her eyes tried to focus within the darkness. There was nothing other than black. Even if she wanted to go to cover, she couldn’t see it and she knew that she couldn’t start crawling around. Her body wouldn’t let her.

She had to tell Elliott. She had to let him know that they couldn’t touch her.

Opening her mouth, she tried to force the words out, but her throat cracked and all that came out was a choked, “please.”

Elliott was gone, the coms crackled with lack of signal and the lack of his voice sent adrenaline coursing through Wraith’s veins once more. The purple light flickered around her right hand, strong enough that she could see the shadows moving outside of the room, but not strong enough to open the void. Slowly there was less rubble covering the doorway and more light. So painfully slowly that it seemed like an age.

Wraith’s eyeballs burned with the effort of staying open to watch as the construction crew worked to free the doors. They would be able to see the outline of her, but nothing more though the tinted glass of the doors. She clutched her knife in her hand and took a long breath, if she had to send herself into the void she would.

She waited.

The doors were pried open and for a moment she saw no-one, and then people rushed in.

The first body through the doors wore yellow.

Elliott rushed toward her, his face pale and eyes bloodshot. He had been crying.

“El’t,” she managed as he came to his knees before her. Medics swarming in behind him, but he held them back with a wave of his hands when he saw her knife and how her fists clenched around purple sparks.

“it’s ok, it’s just me. You’re safe, I have you. They don’t have to touch you right now. It’s ok. You did so good.”

Fingers brushed her cheeks, the warm calloused hands that she’d become so accustomed to skimming over her, checking for any major injuries that might be visible, especially because of all the blood.

“I’m going to pick you up, okay? Is that alright?” His voice was unsteady as he tried to figure out what she could tolerate, each attack was different.

Wraith nodded once and tried to push herself up, not managing to even get an arm underneath herself before Elliott had her pressed against him. He lifted her carefully, one arm around her back, palm pressed against the overly warm skin of her side and the other under her knees, allowing her head to rest against his chest as he muttered quiet reassurances in her ear. Wraith lifted her left hand to thread her fingers into the fabric of his shirt, trying to pull herself closer to him.

She was safe.

“I’ve got you.”

He always had her.

And then they were moving, hurrying away from that room and into a drop ship where Ajay and a team of medics were waiting for them. A doctor motioned for Elliott to set her down, but Ajay knew better than to try and put Wraith on a gurney. Instead she crouched next to where Elliott had sat.

“She’s in shock and I need to get some fluids into her, it was easily 125°F in there.”

Wraith felt Elliott nod his head and shift her to allow Ajay to pull an oxygen mask over her head. If she’d been coherent, she would have protested, but even she knew that she was in no state to argue with anyone.

“I’m going to give Ajay your arm ok? She needs to get you started on an IV.”

Wraith watched as the needle was inserted into her vein with a numb fascination; Ajay was always so gentle and precise. She hated getting needles, but Lifeline didn’t make it seem so bad.

Elliott spoke to her throughout, what he said Wraith couldn’t be sure but he talked nonstop until the drop ship closed its doors and took off towards their base. She vaguely remembered Ajay injecting something into the IV.

 _Sedation_.

Usually that would have panicked her, but there was only relief. She didn’t have to fight anymore. Elliott wouldn’t let anything happen to her.

He was so warm.

At one point she felt him tugging off her boots and although she wasn’t sure why, she didn’t care to ask. She had finally reached the shore, and with every passing second the aches, pains and panic within her body faded more and more. Soon all that was left was the feeling of Elliott’s chest against her cheek. His steady heartbeat thrumming a lullaby in her head, strong and steady, just like him.

He had her.

Her eyes closed and she allowed herself to drift.

She didn’t even remember arriving at the base.

-o-

The first thing Wraith was aware of was a heavy weight on her left side. She felt something wrapped around her right wrist and when she tried to pull upwards it didn’t release.

Wraith came to with a panicked intake of breath, her eyes flew open as she clenched her fists and tried to phase away from the bonds that held her. Nothing happened.

Her vision was fuzzy and her head swam groggily but she could make out two shapes before her. One of those shapes stood quickly. Her left side was trapped under the other person and Wraith felt her breathing start to hitch at being tied down.

“Hey. Breathe, geokjeonghada.”

A voice that decidedly wasn’t Elliott’s spoke to her as they reached down to pull at the bonds on her right hand, freeing it before reaching across the bed to release her left, careful not to jostle her or the person asleep on her.

 _Crypto_.

Wrath reached up to rub at her eyes, flinching at the soreness in her muscles but glad that they hadn’t pumped her full of heavy painkillers. That would have been Elliott’s doing, he knew that she hated how out of control they made her feel. They’d definitely given her something though, the voices were too quiet. That, or the grogginess from the sedation was wearing off.

Looking around the room, Wraith took in Elliott, who was passed out on the chair beside her resting his upper torso on the bed, head and arms thrown across her abdomen.

Crypto returned to his seat where he had his laptop set up and Hack in pieces next to it. She was pleased to see that he looked no worse for wear after their accident.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” He asked, rolling his chair closer to her bed.

“Why was I restrained? Sore and pretty fuzzy, I guess I should ask you the same thing.”

“I was fine after the regeneration, broken bones are nothing anymore. As for the restraints, you were thrashing and panicking in your sleep. Not even Elliott could calm you, but then again I imagine you weren’t really fully conscious enough to be to be coherent with. Trust me, it killed him to let them do it, I got back just after it happened, but you assaulted a nurse so he didn’t have the choice. He was really torn up about it.” Crypto angled his head towards Elliott’s sleeping form. “He’s been here the whole time. I brought him clothes a few times. Cool dog by the way.”

“You met Boomer?”

“Yeah, I’ve been sleeping at Elliott’s place in the guest room looking after him, suddenly the staff at the home base aren’t so friendly when you collapse an arena and almost kill someone.” Crypto’s face was full of undeserved guilt.

“It wasn’t your fault, who could have known?”

_We told you._

“You can shut up.”

“I didn’t stay anything?”  
“Sorry,” Wraith shrugged, pointing at her head. “They have an opinion constantly.”

“Didn’t they warn you?” Crypto didn’t understand, nobody really understood, but she didn’t blame them.

“Most of the time they do, but they settled on just telling me not to portal after the explosion. They were mad when I didn’t listen. Didn’t work out so well for me as it turned out.”

“I watched the footage, I’m amazed that you channelled it for so long especially in the middle of a panic attack.”

“I didn’t realize I had such an aversion to being trapped. Normally I can just portal myself out, so it’s never really been an issue up to now. Plus all the new information, it was just too much. Everything all at once, I couldn’t handle it. I don’t think the power surges helped, that definitely tipped the balance against me.”

Wraith ran her fingers through Elliott’s hair gently as she spoke to stop her hands from shaking, he was a heavy sleeper and it wouldn’t stir him, but it made her feel better. How could he look at her the same now, knowing what she’d done. Knowing that she was a monster. She almost wished he would wake up if only to get the inevitable over with.

His brothers had gone missing in the Frontier War, a war that she realized she’d now probably been involved in. Especially if she’d been a senior scientist. How had she ended up like this though, without even an idea of her own name?

Tae Joon sighed and leaned forward, seeing the pain written across her face. “I think that you’re not that person any more either and people shouldn’t hate others for a past life, especially one that they no longer associate with.”

Wraith knew that he had a past too, he’d confessed to being the main suspect in the murder of his sister previously, Wraith wasn’t sure if anyone else within the games knew other than her, but she hadn’t dared utter it to another soul.

She shook her head and sighed, not able to fully wrap her head around Elliott not being able to hate her. After so long looking for any information, that hadn’t been what she would have liked to hear especially under those circumstances. She hated herself for potentially being involved in destroying Elliott’s family.

“How long was I out?” She figured it must have been a while, she had a feeding tube and could feel a catheter. That wasn’t an overnight stay. She’d been here a while.

“A week and a half, Ajay gave you some sedation, but when you got to the hospital they found some brain swelling due to the exertion. It’s unusual but not unheard of, especially taking you as a whole into consideration as no one fully knows the effects your abilities have on your body normally, never mind when stretched that far. They put you into an induced coma.” The Korean man paused to push his glasses back up his nose and Wraith wondered why she’d never seen him wearing them before. “I think the game makers thought you were going to send everything into the void when you couldn’t calm down. They couldn’t get to you to stop you though, otherwise I dread to think what they might have done. That’s when they brought Elliott in. Ajay told them that you guys were close and they figured he was their best chance.”

Wraith looked down at Elliott’s sleeping face, so peaceful and smooth without all the regular worry lines. They’d been right, he was the only one who could have gotten through to her.

“It was a long shot, but I guess they didn’t know how close you two actually were until then. Now it’s national news. The livestream continued throughout, I don’t know why, if you ask me it’s pretty fucked up of them not to shut it off. You went viral, I think the stream alone has almost seventy-five million views, never mind all the reposts.” Crypto continued. “I can show you.”

“No!” The snap surprised even herself. She didn’t want to watch that, there was no way she’d be able to stand seeing herself come apart like that. Why the fuck hadn’t they shut it down?

“Mianhae. They tried to wake you four days ago. After the regeneration meds finished healing, the swelling went down pretty quickly, but you were frantic when you came to the first time, so they kept you sedated for another few hours and gradually weaned you off of it.”

“When can I leave?” She hated hospitals, hated the smell, hated the way she was poked and prodded constantly. They drove her anxiety sky high. The thought of sitting there for even longer made her nose burn with the threat of tears.

“That’s an Elliott question, I’m sorry. He’s the one who they’ve been speaking to you, I only know bits and pieces.”

“I fucked myself up pretty bad. The voices told me not to but-“ Wraith stopped, her words catching in her throat and forcing a series of coughs from her lungs. The movement jolted through her chest and she watched as Elliott woke, his eyelids fluttering as he stirred. It always took him a second to realize where he was, even at home.

Brown eyes focused on her face and he smiled as he sat up quickly, pushing his hair back and straightening the collar of his sweater.

“Hey kid, how are you feeling?” His hands found one of hers and clasped it tightly, face looking so happy that it made her chest hurt. She didn’t deserve his adoration.

It was him who finally got to her. She felt a tear roll down her cheek as she shook her head, there was so much pain, not all of it physical. Her emotions were running ragged even after her prolonged unconsciousness. She had so much that she needed to say, but she couldn’t put them together coherently.

_You destroyed his family._

In her head she saw the outlines of them standing with the baby as though the image had been burned into her brain.

“Elliott I’m so sorry for everything.”

She knew he’d know what she was talking about.

Crypto cleared his throat and stood, mentioning something about getting a coffee and telling the nurses she was awake as he left. He’d be back, he wouldn’t leave Hack alone for too long.

As soon as he was gone, Elliott stood, twisting to sit on the bed beside her, wincing in sympathy when she moved to give him more space and flinched at the pull of the catheter tube. Wraith wanted to hug him, she wanted him to hold her. She needed him to pull the parts of her that had been blown apart back together. Searching his face for any traces of anger, she found none, his eyes were soft like sunlight through a whiskey bottle and for a moment she thought she could see the whole world reflected in them.

“I need you to know that I don’t blame you. Whatever you did, whoever you were, that’s a different person. You are not them any more. I heard the tape, it was played across the entire arena, even in the med bay. I didn’t realize you were stuck at that point though, I’d been in medical getting stitches after being downed. All of a sudden everyone was yelling for me, telling me I had to come quick. I didn’t know you were trapped until almost four hours after it had happened, they kept it quiet. I guess they thought they’d just get you out and all would be well but then the charge towers caught up the power from your portal. It was Tae Joon who told me you were trapped, he came out of his room when the yelling started because I was running around clueless. It never even crossed my mind to blame you and I still don’t now. You are not to blame for my brothers and please don’t ever think that I feel that way. I’m so sorry for what you went through and getting you better is all I want to focus on.”

“Elliott, I might have done experiments on people. I must have let them experiment on me. Who does that? What kind of a monster does that?” She sobbed, twisting her body into his side and hating that he so willingly let her. His left arm lifting to rest across her shoulders as he rubbed her forearm.

“Wraith, I swear, you are the least monster like person I’ve ever met. And we’ve met some fucked up people in this arena. I don’t think any less of you now than I did before I heard the recording. The Wraith that I know isn’t the same person as the Renee Blasey in that recording ok? Your guilt proves that.”

Wraith felt a sense of relief settle in her chest. “You’re sure you don’t hate me?”

Elliott gave her a little half smile that he knew she loved and cupped her cheeks thumbs brushing away her tears, eyes scanning hers for any sign that his touches were going too far. He knew she was fragile even if she would never admit it.

“Kid, I could never hate you,” he promised, leaning in to kiss her forehead, the tip of her nose and finally pressing his lips softly against hers.

Wraith pushed back into the kiss, neither of them deepening it, but both relishing in the contact. When they broke apart she let her forehead fall against his sternum.

“Thank you for talking to me when I was in there. The counting and the story about your brothers gave me something to focus on.”

“I got you, don’t worry. I’m glad it came out right because I was panicking. They totally put me on the spot, just telling me that I had to calm you down or you’d die.” His face contorted as he spoke, morphing into something agonized at the memory. “That was the hardest moment of my life, knowing that it all might have been for nothing. That I might have to watch you tear yourself apart. And then you told me to just let you go, I know you weren’t in your right mind, but kid, the pain in your voice almost killed me.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“You’re here now. You’re here and you’re safe and that’s all that matters to me,” Elliott told her with a forced brightness.

Wraith nodded, deciding to go along with it, she didn’t want to hurt him any more. “Speaking of here. I hate being here. When can I leave?”

“I’ll find out, they did a lot of tests and scans yesterday when you didn’t wake up properly, but everything was normal so the doctor said that he thinks your body was just protecting itself. Apparently that can happen in with trauma patients. Your brain kind of turns off to help you heal.

I’ll tell them you’re insisting on leaving. You’ll recover better at home anyway, you always do. The nurse on duty will let you go trust me. She’s definitely not your biggest fan right now,” Elliott laughed, giving her with a wink.

“So I heard,” Wraith blushed. She never wanted to hurt the people who were trying to help her, but being restrained never ended well, her mind always flew straight back to the straight jacket. “Can you apologize to her for me?”

“Don’t worry, I did. Multiple times. Now let’s get you home.”

That she could agree with.

Elliott turned to leave before he threw one arm up as though he’d forgotten something important. “Oh! One other thing. I may have told Crypto he could live with us for a while until he found his own place. People were giving him a hard time. I figured we could make the basement into a little apartment for him for now. He’s pretty torn up about the whole thing. I didn’t know if he could live in your old apartment and it wasn’t mine to offer, but honestly no one should live there.”

Wraith laughed quietly at his disgust of her apartment, liking the life within the sound instead of the hollowness she’d expected, but then she coughed and Elliott jumped to grab her water.

“Sorry, everything is so dry. But yeah, I don’t care if Tae Joon lives with us for a while. Just as long as he doesn’t try to steal Boomer at the end of it.”

Elliott smirked. “Don’t worry, I think anyone knows that you’d kill for that dog.”

“Don’t forget it.”

And just like that, Wraith felt her sense of normalcy return.

-o-

Wraith fidgeted restlessly until the a doctor came in to speak to her, checking her response rates and vitals before stating that she could leave as long as she adhered to what seemed like an endless list of rules. She agreed quickly, anything was better than being confined to the hospital. She desperately wanted her bed and her puppy. Soon afterwards a nurse came in to see her to remove her IV as well as the catheter and feeding tube, Elliott stayed with her the entire time, holding her hand and grimacing when she flinched. The feeding tube wasn’t asbad as she expected, just unpleasant, but the removal of the catheter left her with a burning sensation of needing to pee every few minutes and even though Elliott’s house was only a twenty minute drive away, he still had to stop twice at a Starbucks to let her use the bathroom.

They’d tried to get her to use a wheelchair, but Wraith had had none of it. She was embarrassed enough at the having whole world find out her crimes and then witness the proceeding breakdown, she didn’t need the press having pictures of her being wheeled out of the hospital to make it even more pathetic.

Some of the other legends had met her at the door, Anita giving her a look that was both kind and worried at the same time. She knew PTSD as well as any of them and her looks spoke louder than her words. She was there if Wraith needed anything. Wraith endured a bone crushing hug from Ajay and thanked her for helping her, the young woman spoke incessantly, wishing Wraith well and asking her how she felt until Anita reined her in with a fond scolding as she watched Wraith grow tense with knowing eyes. Wraith was grateful to her.

Path and Gibraltar held back, knowing that their presence was enough. Path’s screen showed a question mark, switching to a happy face when she assured him that she was okay.

Natalie and Octane came too, Octane wishing her well before moving off to the side and allowing Natalie to thrust homemade cakes and chocolate cookies toward her. Wraith couldn’t help but smile at her, Natalie’s innocent sweetness was refreshing, but soon she grew tired and started to lean wearily into Elliott for support, her legs aching and telling her that this was too much too soon. Crypto moved to take the gifts when her hands shook, Elliott unable to move without risking her stumbling and she gave him a small smiled that she knew was probably mangled, but he returned it nonetheless.

“I think I’d better get her home,” Elliott told everyone gently, pausing long enough for them to say a quick goodbye before leading her out into the parking lot, ignoring the shouts of the paparazzi as he helped her to the car. They sat for a moment whilst Crypto spoke to the press, briefly giving a speech that they’d preprepared on the walk to the door. She would have to address it herself eventually, but today wasn’t that day.

Wraith was relieved when Crypto climbed into the back of the truck rolling his eyes and telling Elliott that they were good to go, but she couldn’t help but laugh at the vexed expression on his face, they all hated dealing with the press. Elliott peeled out of the car park, one hand resting on her thigh as he drove.

He was tense and Wraith made a comment about wasting all of her gas instead of his, drawing a laugh from the trickster who promised to fill the tank for her but blaming Crypto, who didn’t own a car, for most of the mileage.

Elliott went into the house first to grab hold of Boomer. The dog could be heard barking excitedly after he caught sight of them pulling into the driveway from his perch in the living room window.

Tae Joon helped her inside, the hand hovering at her back supportive without actually touching. He then retreated upstairs to the guest room to give them some space as Wraith collapsed onto the couch ready for the incoming fur missile.

Boomer didn’t disappoint and after a minute Elliott came to her rescue, sending the dog into the back garden to work off some energy while he turned on the shower so that Wraith could rid herself of the hospital smell. He helped her into the bathroom, but sat outside while she showered just incase she fell and Wraith was grateful.

She was exhausted. Bone weary and groggy.

The voices hummed quietly, every so often one would break through, demanding to be heard, but overall she was surprised. After so long without her to talk to, she thought they would have been incessant.

She pulled on the comfy panties she liked, sleep shorts and a tank top, contemplating the effort of blow drying her hair, instead opting to towel dry it and deal with the consequences the following day when she’d had time to sleep.

Boomer velcro’d himself to her as she trudged back down the stairs, Elliott had gone back to the kitchen when she’d yelled that she was out of the shower, not wanting to be overbearing. Though she knew he’d probably been listening to her every move.

She didn’t blame him, she herself felt like she was teetering on the edge, her nerves were shot and she felt unusually antsy.

As she sat on one of the chairs at the island he turned, the man turned, handing her a mug of green liquid.

“I’m not hungry.”

“I thought you might say that, however the doctor said that that was the deal, you could go home to recuperate, but you had to eat regularly. More regularly than you normally eat. You lost almost 15lbs in the hospital in a week and a half, which is just insane when you were already so small to begin with. This is just blended vegetable soup and I even put it in a mug so that you don’t have to sit there looking all sad with a spoon and a bowl. Just try to eat a little bit of it ok? You can’t go back to just eating solids from a feeding tube or you’ll feel sick, so I figured this might help.” Elliott told her, sitting beside her with his own bowl and two bottles of water. He was still clad in the clothes he’d been wearing at the hospital and Wraith wrinkled her nose at the sterile smell.

“How long did it take you to come up with that speech?”

“I came up with it on the spot. Improv is my speciality didn’t you know.” He shot her a quick wink between mouthfuls of food and Wraith thought that he himself looked a little slimmer than normal, his face gaunter than she remembered with dark shadows under his eyes.

He didn’t look like he’d slept properly the whole time she’d been in the hospital and from what Tae Joon had told her, he probably hadn’t.

For that reason and that reason only, Wraith decided that she could force down some of the soup. It was good, it always was and even the feeling of it hitting her stomach didn’t make her feel too nauseous.

Elliott finished his food quickly, emptying the bowl in the time that it took Wraith to sip down a quarter of her own mug and asking her if she would be ok if he went to take a shower himself, kissing her forehead before he left when she told him she could manage to sit at a kitchen table just fine.

As soon as he left, Boomer replaced him in his seat, nudging Wraith’s arm with his paw. She didn’t resist, pushing the cup toward him to let him finish up the rest of the soup. Tiredly she laid her head on her forearm, letting the coolness of the kitchen island sooth her throbbing muscles.

The sound of someone coming into the kitchen startled her and she opened one eye, expecting to see a disgruntled Elliott at the sight of her feeding her food to Boomer, instead meeting the eyes of a smirking Crypto.

“You’d break his heart.”

“Please don’t tell him,” she mumbled, “it’s easier. This way everyone goes to bed happy.”

Tae Joon laughed, the sound deep, as he turned and pulled a plastic food container out of the fridge. “Your secret is safe. But probably not with him, he’s managed to get it on his head.”

Wraith groaned at the sight of Boomer's green face, accepting the cloth that was tossed to her and trying to clean him off. It only half worked, the dog wriggling like a maniac and Wraith resigned herself to being outed.

Crypto moved around the kitchen easily, like he’d been living there forever. He knew where everything was better than even she did and before long he was plopping himself down across from her with a plate full of unidentifiable red food.

Seeing her watching him, he angled the plate to give her a better look. “It’s Chuncheon dakgalbi, chicken marinated mainly in chilli with other spices thrown in, then sliced sweet potatoes and whatever vegetables I can grab. Super quick and easy to make. Mila and I used to cook huge pots of it whenever we were really broke. We’d freeze it and have meals for weeks.”

“It looks good,” Wraith admitted, pulling her mug away from the dog before he sent it crashing to the floor, rolling her eyes when he abandoned her to hop up on the chair next to Tae Joon.

“If you can do spice, you’ll love it. Wouldn’t recommend it right now though, your stomach probably couldn’t handle that after a liquid diet.”

“I don’t have the appetite to eat anything right now. Everything hurts and I’m wondering if the grogginess of the painkillers is worth it just to make my head stop hurting even for an hour,” she admitted, sliding off of her chair to hit the boil option on the coffee maker.

“Coffee isn’t going to help,” Crypto replied, narrowing his eyebrows in judgement.

“Elliott got me this tea, chamomile, a while back to help with migraines. It does help a little. I can’t drink coffee, it sends the voices into a frenzy,” Wraith said, almost defensively.

Tae Joon stood up from the chair. “I have something that might help you. One second.”

He brushed past where she was leaning against the kitchen counter, heading back up to the guest room. Wraith watched as Boomer immediately set to work on the plate of food, contemplating letting him finish it. It was a lesson Parks would have to learn eventually, but seeing as he was trying to help her, she figured the least she could do was stop the little Pitbull from eating his meal.

_The lights._

What about them, Wraith thought in response.

_The lights._

Very helpful.

She pushed off of the counter and made her way over to the island to pull the plate away from Boomer when everything in the house seemed to flicker before it all plunged into darkness. Elliott’s house was on a country back road, so there were no street lights to illuminate the inside of the house in the absence of the pot lights. Seconds passed and nothing happened.

_Move now._

Wraith reacted instinctively, not doubting them a second time. Still holding onto the plate of food, she clenched her fists and moved to phase out of instinct, ready to throw herself forward. Only her foot met one of the chairs and instead of running, she found herself flailing, falling forward with her ankles tangled in the high legged chair.

She cried out as she hit the floor, the plate flying across the tiles in front of her and falling through the portal she had opened unintentionally. The lights flickered back to life and Wraith watched in horror as Boomer launched himself after the plate of food without a second thought. His paws skidded across the kitchen floor and everything seemed to happen in slow motion. She released her grip on the void to close the portal, but it was too late, the portal wouldn’t close in time and she couldn’t get to her feet to stop him.

Wraith opened her mouth to scream at him, but no words came past her lips. She could only watch in horror.

At the last second, arms came out of nowhere and a body tackled him sideways. Boomer yelped but the portal whooshed closed with him still firmly on the right side of it. Finally unfrozen, Wraith staggered to her feet, rushing over to Elliott who was holding the struggling dog in his arms.

“Are you ok? Did you hurt yourself?” Elliott asked, meeting her half way, one arm flying out to stop her, keeping her momentarily at an arms length as his eyes checked her body for injuries.

“I just tripped and fell, but I was mid phase and I must have opened a portal. The plate went through it and he was running after it.” Wraith’s voice sounded frantic even to her own ears as she broke free of Elliott’s hold to wrap her arms around the dog, a sob escaping her chest. “I almost sent him into another d-dimension Elliott.”

Wraith wasn’t sure what it was about that moment, but everything that she’d been holding back all day came flooding out and she burst into tears, collapsing to the ground, arms still wrapped around Boomer as she buried her nose into his fur.

Elliott sank to his knees with her, seeming stunned by her reaction for a moment, before he pulled her against him tightly. “He’s fine, I got him. It didn’t happen.”

“But I nearly let it happen and that’s worse. I’m supposed to be in control of this.”

Heavy footsteps rushed into the room as Tae Joon skidded to a stop, taking in the disaster of a kitchen and Wraith wrapped around her dog sobbing hysterically.

“Go, I got the mess.” He told Elliott, who nodded gratefully pulling a non-reactive Wraith to her feet and leading her into the living room.

She followed him, allowing his shirtless form to pull her down onto the couch and wrap her up in his arms. Boomer followed, hopping up to lay on her feet, tail thumping happily against the arm of the sofa, completely oblivious to what had almost occurred.

Elliott’s skin was still slightly damp from his shower but Wraith didn’t care as she crushed herself to him, burying her face into his chest and sobbing in earnest for all that had happened to her and what she’d almost done.

He held her tightly, occasionally telling her that she was safe and that they were ok, knowing that nothing he could say could really sooth her until she got it out of her system. His breathing steady as he rubbed one hand up her arm, her back, anywhere that he could reach without jostling her.

-o-

Eventually her tears subsided, leaving her in a limp pile on his lap. She was finally dozing, lay between Elliott’s legs with her head on his lower abdomen when Tae Joon reappeared holding a mug of tea.

“I brought this incase she needed it, she was trying to make herself the chamomile tea before the power went out. I added some CBD oil to it. There’s no THC so she won’t get high from it, but it should help her headache and maybe even calm the voices for a little while for her to get a better sleep.” He placed the mug on the coffee table and sank down into the armchair across the room.

“Thank you, I’ve considered that before to be honest but never did bring it up with her. Always slipped my mind.” Elliott carded his hands through her damp hair, rubbing his fingertips against the skin of her scalp and smiled fondly when she subconsciously pushed back into the pressure.

“What happened down there?” Tae Joon asked.

“I’m not totally sure what started it, the power cut out obviously. I heard a crash and then her fall and yell. I was already running down the stairs to hit the breaker but by the time I got down there she’d opened a portal and this dumbass was running straight for it.” He motioned to the little dog who was sleeping peacefully, tucked between Wraith’s body and the back of the couch. “I think everything she’s trying to hold back just came out with the panic of nearly hurting him. She doesn’t care if she gets hurt, but the people around her that she cares about? That would kill her. And she loves him. She never really had anyone when she found him, we were friends at the time but nothing as close to where we are now, and then someone left him at the side of her apartment building abandoned and all of a sudden she had this creature who needs her. He needed to be rescued just like she had. I’d just had a full house renovation, I worked long hours at the bar at the time plus the games, I was barely ever home but-”

“They looked at you with sad eyes and here you are?” Crypto smiled at him knowingly. “Yep I know that look.”

“Honestly though, it’s the best thing I’ve done. After that she was here all the time and trust me if you saw the shithole she was living in before, that’s a relief. It’s literally like a prison cell with a bed. Bars on the windows and everything. She still has to go and pick up some of her stuff, when we go you should come and see it. The games set her up there. It’s awful.” Elliott glanced down at her sleeping form and felt a familiar rush of affection stir in his chest. “Before she had her truck, I’d drive her home. She’d come here for dinner because she can’t cook for shit. Her idea of cooking is reading the back of a takeout menu and she thinks I don’t know.”

They both shared a look, Elliott rolling his eyes and Tae Joon laughing quietly.

“Every day I’d leave her at that apartment building and it made me feel sick and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it because the second she thinks you’re trying to help her she pulls back. She’s definitely getting better about that now, but if you go a little too far, you lose miles of progress. And the voices, fuck. They don’t help. You can see when they’re giving their two cents because she looks up slightly. If you didn’t know about them you’d never notice it but she does. In the ring, they’re great, but everywhere else they just make her doubt herself. Half of the time they keep her safe, the other half it seems they tear her down and when she gets upset or panicked they just blow her up. She talks to them sometimes when she’s drunk or overly tired, well, yells at them to shut up or fuck off.”

“I think I knew her once,” Tae Joon confessed quietly and Elliott felt his head shoot up at the unexpected confession. “Maybe not this version of her, but definitely one of her, or them, who knows how many there actually are now that they can move between dimensions. I helped her break into an IMC lab. The other one actually called herself Renee and when I met your Wraith, I thought it might be the same person. It would make sense with the lack of memories that she didn’t remember me, but from what I can gather the timelines don’t add up.”

Crypto frowned and took a swig of his water.

“Your Wraith would have already been in the asylum when I sent in the other Renee. And their personalities are night and day too. They’re the same in a fight, fierce and ruthless, but outside of that, not so much. The last few hours with your Wraith today just confirmed that even more. Renee was the same in every part of her life, ruthless and sometimes a little cruel. Wraith isn’t cruel, just a little lost. Renee would have never risked being tied down to someone the way Wraith has tied herself to you, and Renee would never have dealt with an animal. Everything was just an obstacle in her way. No chance would Renee have been this close to you, asleep and unarmed, totally vulnerable wearing peach sleep shorts with pandas on them.”

“Don’t let that fool you, her knife is usually around somewhere.” Elliott admitted, flinching as he moved his left leg, pins and needles kicking in, putting his arms under Wraith’s torso to lift the sleeping woman enough to allow him swing his leg out from underneath her. She stirred slightly but it spoke volumes about how exhausted she was that she simply turned over and buried her head into his sweatpant clad thigh without fully waking.

“The knife was Renee’s you know? I knew it the first time I saw it. There’s a ding in the handle and there’s no way it’s a coincidence.” Tae Joon watched her with slight fascination, as though he were examining a particularly interesting piece of technology. Elliott assumed that it would be strange, meeting an identical version of someone you’d met previously, especially when they were so apparently different.

“She told me that. She said that this, Renee — as you call her — gave her the knife when she helped her escape. She also showed her how to use the phasing.”

Tae Joon nodded thoughtfully. “Renee was definitely more intrinsically adept at navigating the dimensions, but then, she’d had to be. She didn’t fear them like Wraith does, Renee didn’t care if they destroyed her, she’d do anything for answers. She was definitely the person who could have experimented on people.”

“Sounds like you knew her well,” Elliott commented, the insinuation hanging heavily in the air.

“Not like that, I met her a handful of times and she was very intense. I didn’t trust her though, not like I’d trust your Wraith. I did want to talk to you about something though before I mentioned it to her.”

His tone implied something less than pleasant and Elliott bristled, instinctively brushing his fingers along the spine of the sleeping woman below him.

“Oh?”

He kept his voice measured, if apprehensive.

“The number, 61137, it’s a subject number. When I helped Renee into the facility, I managed to pull some of the files from their systems, which included records of the history of some of their patients. I thought they were all deceased patients, but her number was one of them.” Tae Joon paused when Elliott sucked in a breath.

“It’s only a partial record and it doesn’t say anything about how she originally lost her memory or the experiments she put herself through, though you can put two and two together. But Elliott, it’s not good.” His face was grave, hinting at something much darker.

“In what way?” Elliott asked cautiously, unsure if he actually wanted to hear anymore.

“They read more like a torture record and in some of the daily logs there are pictures and videos. I skimmed through the written logs, but I only made it through the first video, my stomach couldn’t handle more than that.”

Elliott closed his eyes against the anger that flared up within him and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Random experiments?”

“And whatever else they had the, um, desire for that particular day. Then afterward they often reported partial regenerations to wipe the memories of what they had done to her.” Tae Joon waved a hand as Elliott opened his mouth to interrupt. “Before you say anything, you should probably know that a partial regeneration of this kind can in some cases be temporary and by that, I mean that if the subject recalls the event or even certain details, the memories can be regained. Which may give her a few answers, but judging from the first video, it may also give her a whole world of hurt and trauma. Those types of regenerations were not the same as the ones we go through within the games now.”

It took all that Elliott had not to scoop Wraith up in his arms and hold her to him. She’d hinted at nightmares and flashbacks before, but had never known if any of it was real or just conjured up in her sleep to scare her. Now, the way Tae Joon was looking at him, he realized that it had all most likely been real. Anger raged within him at the thought of anyone hurting her like that.

“I’m telling you this because I didn’t know whether the record should just stay as it is right now, hidden. Do you think it would be better?”

“Do you know for sure that it’s her in the videos?”

“Yes.”

Sighing, Elliott rubbed a hand over his face wearily. “I want to tell you to destroy them, I don’t want her to have to see that. But I also know that none of this is my decision, or even ours, it’s all her. I think you should let her make that choice for herself.”

“Would you like to see them before I tell her?”

“No.” That Elliott was sure of. “If she wants me to see it, she can show me herself, but again that’s completely her decision to make. The only thing I ask is that you hold off showing her until she’s recovered a little more, I don’t want her dealing with that while still so weak. Is there a way to find the complete record?”

“I agree. As for more of the records, I don’t believe so. From my research, it appears that what I have is all that’s left. I’ve spent months trying to find more in the hopes of maybe identifying the victims, but if all I can do is give her some leads, then that would be enough. I’ll keep trying for more, but honestly they might just not exist.”

“How did you end up involved in all of this?” Elliott asked curiously.

“My sister disappeared. She was taken or killed. I never found out. She was just gone. Wraith didn’t tell you?” He seemed surprised at that.

“She doesn’t gossip. What’s told to her stays with her and she hopes for the same from others. I’m guessing by that though that you’re the Tae Joon Parks who was accused of his sister’s murder.”

The grimace that that pulled from the Korean man confirmed it and Elliott supposed that it should probably bother him that a suspected murderer was living under his roof, but he knew how accusations worked on some of the other planets. Guilty until proven innocent.

Instead he signed and took a long drink of the tea that the man had brought for Wraith, hoping that it would calm him like they hoped it would do for her. “We all have a past.”

“We do.” The other man’s response was quiet and measured, he seemed surprised at the acceptance of his confession.

Wraith murmured in her sleep, pulling Elliott’s attention away from his previous conversation and although he still felt uneasy with the knowledge of the information Tae Joon possessed, he realized that he had to focus on her and getting her better.

Forcing a little cheeriness into his voice to try and brighten his own mood, he wrapped his arms around her, picking her up easily as he had when he’d found her. “I’m going to take her up to bed. A night on this couch is enough to make anyone sore.”

He bid Crypto a quick goodnight before heading upstairs, hearing the tapping of slow paw following closely behind as he went. Wraith didn’t wake as he gently set her down on her side of the bed, holding her head up so that he could pull her pillow under it before pulling the duvet’s around her the way his Mom had done for him as a child. Boomer settled across her feet at the end of the bed and Elliott hurried across to the bathroom to pee and brush his teeth before he joined her.

Her eyes fluttered open as his weight dipped the side of the bed and she smiled, nose scrunching and one hand reaching for his forearm to pulling it against her chest, holding it to her like an anchor. The noise of contentment that came from her mouth was enough to stop Elliott from protesting the awkward position; he didn’t envision himself sleeping any time soon regardless. There was far too much whizzing around his already busy mind.

He didn’t see things getting easier any time soon, especially with this new discovery.

Fuck.

-o-

**PART TWO PART TWO PART TWO**

**PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS IN THE NOTES AT THE TOP OF THIS CHAPTER!!!**

-O-

-o-

It had been a month since Wraith had been released from the hospital and she was finally starting to feel somewhat normal. She slept regular hours again, well, as regular as she ever had. The syndicate had given her as much time to recover as she needed and she appreciated it. For once she was in no rush to return to the games.

Crypto, despite living in the same house, had been avoiding her. He chilled and watched anime with Elliott, but as soon as he saw her an expression of guilt would creep over his face and he would retreat to his room soon after. She’d asked Elliott about it, but he too had tried to hide the stutter of untruth as he told her that he thought the Korean man felt guilty about what had happened to her.

It was crap.

Wraith knew it

The voices knew it

Elliott knew it

And Tae Joon knew it.

She’d caught the two men arguing quietly one evening after she’d gone to bed. Her water had been warm and she’d phased downstairs to grab some ice, both of them loud whispering at each other. They’d jumped as she appeared and quickly gone their separate ways, but the voices had confirmed what Wraith already suspected.

_They’re arguing about you._

Neither of them had given her an explanation, both offering different stories. She knew Elliott wasn’t great at excuses, he was too transparent to be a good liar. But Tae Joon was different, he could spin her a story that would send even the best investigator spinning in circles for answers.

He’d always been her go-to for information, but now he was holding back. When she’d asked him to take a look through old documents he’d insisted on printing them for her instead of just handing over the laptop and although she was fairly proficient at cracking passwords, she wasn’t a hacker. There was no way she could get into the laptop if he didn’t want her to.

It was starting to drive her crazy, to the point of snooping. When he and Elliott had left for a game, she’d gone into his room and tried to search through the paperwork he kept there. Hack had gone with him to the arena, but it hadn’t even crossed her mind that there could be another drone in the room.

Spoiler alert, there had been.

The ensuing argument that it had caused had sent Boomer running for cover. Even Elliott had been pissed at her but she’d held her ground, pointing fingers at them and asking what they were hiding. They’d both denied it, but Wraith had seen through the lies.

That night she’d slept alone on the couch, snarling at Elliott when he tried to persuade her to come to bed and the following morning she’d found herself cornered by both of them. Elliott pale and Tae Joon holding her laptop and a USB drive.

She wasn’t angry at them, she knew why they’d held off telling her but three hours later Wraith found herself still looking at the black screen of the laptop in front of her. Elliott sat on the couch opposite her, moral support if she needed it, but far enough away that he couldn’t see the screen unless she invited him to. Tae Joon had retreated to his room but had promised to answer any questions should she need him. He’d told her all about his involvement with Renee, or void walker as Wraith had taken to calling her but when he’d mentioned what was in the records his face had grown dark, shoulders tense and unhappy.

Wraith knew that there were answers on the drive, but she also knew those answers came with a huge helping of horror.

Nervously, Wraith took a deep breath and hit the power button of the MacBook before opening up the USB folder. There was one main document with subfolders of video documents and it took Wraith a second to decide where to start. The log was long and she figured that would be her best shot, so she hit enter.

It popped up slowly and there were lots of abbreviations and codes that she didn’t really understand. Tae Joon had gone through and added his own notes in brackets he’d told her, little snippets of information he’d possessed previously that might help her. The first ten were just memory test comparisons and how different drugs impacted her ability to use the phase tech.

She’d been injected with numerous drugs and at one point Wraith wondered how she had no lasting damage from it. Her hands shook as she scrolled, the reports were brief but effective. This couldn’t have been the full logs of the experiments, they were too scattered and they read like a diary of a new scientist. Scattered and erratic. It was after the tenth log that the researcher’s identity code changed and the logs took a sharp turn.

—-

1:03am

July 29th 3038

Subject 61137

Tested bodily functions after using phase tech whilst under attack from CR29 [cattle prod]. Subject was able to still phase no matter the location of shock from CR29. Pain levels elevated but body reaction still as expected. Subject wiped afterward.

End of report.

—-

16:28pm

July 30th 3038

Subject 61137

Full body inspection of subject.

-Data erased-

—-

3:12am

August 4th 3038

Subject 61137

Permission granted for pressure phasing. Subject was able to phase whilst experiencing the feeling of drowning.

Subject partially erased.

End of report

——

12:52pm

August 4th 3038

Subject 61137

Subject struggled to phase during coitus despite extreme efforts. Subject attacked two scientists whilst restrained and was punished repeatedly. Despite regeneration healing, scars still show on inner thighs. Lack of full healing noted and to be looked into further.

ECP administered intravenously.

End of report.

—-

Wraith pushed the laptop backwards, rushing for the bathroom as the contents of her stomach were violently expelled. She’d been right. Her dreams had been real. The hands she’d felt whenever she thought of sex had been there. ECP, emergency contraceptive. Oh god.

Pressure phasing.

Torture.

Waterboarding.

Wraith remembered reading over the human experiment reports of Alexander Nox when she realized that he and Caustic were one and the same. The CR29s were cattle prods, but they’d been adapted to look more like an electric toothbrush. Instead of the bristles at the end however, there was a small ball.

She’d attacked the scientists. She’d fought them. A little part of her found peace in that, she hadn’t given up quite then. When she was sure her stomach was done Wraith spread her thighs and looked down at them. She shuddered when her fingers mapped out the half moon scars there, fitting her own finger nails into them, silent tears running down her cheeks.

Forcing herself upright, Wraith returned to the laptop and waving away Elliott. She needed to get through this. She needed to see it all.

The logs were a torture record. None of it in particular depth, but the details that were there were enough.

Burning, sensory deprivation, how many volts of electricity could bring her out of the phase, rape, starvation, waterboarding, humiliation. Her pain tolerance was tested followed by how much pain she could endure whilst still able to use the phase tech. One experiment looked into if she could escape whilst being hanged using the phase.

Her memories were taken after all of the experiments.

Elliott watched her as she crumbled, not daring to move towards her. He didn’t ask any questions, but eventually she started to read outloud. Saying the words helped her to ground herself, to stop herself from retreating back into her own head. The blood rush inside of her brain was kept at bay.

When she moved on to the videos, she knew exactly why her past self had given up. Everything had been stripped away from her. These weren’t experiments based on real need to find out any information, they were just daydreams of sick minds brought to life because they had no one to stop them. And she’d been the lab rat that no one cared about.

They’d ruined her in every way possible. Pulled her apart before simply erasing the memories, like a toy.

The first video started with a calm voice, juxtaposed by someone screaming.

“-needed for organ donation…”

Wraith saw herself on the table. Her hair was shaved, as it had been when she’d escaped the facility but her face was deathly pale. Mouth open as she thrashed and screamed against the bonds that held her onto a gurney.

She wasn’t in a lab room, this was an operating theatre.

Blood stained the floor and the two surgeons that leaned over her were covered head to toe by their scrubs so that they could never be recognized. Wraith could see her lower abdomen and the glint of blood there as their scalpels made the first cut.

An IV was hooked up into her arm, but clearly no painkillers or sedation anaesthetic had been administered.

“Oh god Elliott. Oh god.”

He was by her side in a second, sitting as she turned the laptop toward him. Wraith felt numb and she realized her brain was closing off her emotions. Her face blurred as they watched and the body on the table become a stranger. She didn’t realize just how violently she was shaking until Elliott clutched her hand. He was as white as a ghost, all the colour drained from his face when they pulled out the organ they were harvesting.

Her womb.

They were doing a hysterectomy on her. Awake.

The Wraith on the screen had stopped screaming having passed out but the present Wraith wasn’t sure whether to scream in horror or rage. Elliott stood, now knowing exactly why Tae Joon hadn’t made it past the first video, and he hadn’t even known Wraith yet. He’d known that the person in these videos wasn’t Renee. This has been a stranger.

Wraith glanced up at him, tear tracks running down her cheeks but he had no words for her.

What could anyone say?

Wraith pulled the hem of her sleep shorts down slightly, to reveal the scar, as though to check that it was there. It was. Small and faded, but there.

She felt her stomach churn and her breath catch in her throat.

They’d taken that from her.

She’d always noticed that she never had periods, but had chalked it up to the strain on her body from the dimensional shifts. She was tiny and always skinny. Plus, with the scar there, she’d wondered if she had been injured in the past and that had affected it.

Wraith had never truly given thought to the fact that maybe she couldn’t have children.

Her mind wandered back to the shadow with the child.

A child that she would never be able to have.

Another thing they had taken from her.

Another thing that she would never be able to give to Elliott.

The voices swam around her brain, but she pushed them back, closing that video and moving to the next one. None of them were labelled, giving no indication of what was to come, but Wraith knew that if she didn’t watch them she may never manage to again.

This was her past and she needed to know.

“Wraith you don’t have to keep going.” Elliott’s voice was strained, as though he were having issues controlling himself.

“I have to see this,” she replied with grim determination. “I have to know what else they took from me.”

He nodded once, running his hands through his hair and sitting back down next to her with a deep breath. “I’m right here.”

The videos always started with screaming. If there was no screaming Wraith realized that they were just physical examinations. The torture had been recorded in great detail. Wraith watched as they held her down with a cloth over her face and poured a constantly stream of water over her head until she was choking and still phasing. Once she released the void, they would start over. Then there was her skeletal frame still phasing. She looked emaciated, like she hadn’t eaten in weeks, every bone visible on her naked form as she was forced to phase over and over until she couldn’t stand any more.

They’d tested every limit.

The last video was in a folder of its own and Wraith hurried to open it. She wanted this to be over, needed to see everything before the hysteria overwhelmed her. She had to do this.

This one was different. It was shot from a different angle and she found herself looking down at her own naked body. Arms and neck strapped down to the gurney and her head tilted backwards, bearing her throat. Her legs were spread, exposing her and she felt Elliott baulk beside her, the hand not holding her own moving to cover his mouth. They both knew what this was. This wasn’t like the rest of the videos. This wasn’t shot as research. This was a momento. A trophy.

This was a video to be used for other purposes.

“Are you ready for me baby?”

Wraith heard herself whimper a plea, begging the person behind the camera not to.

“Not again, please no, please don’t do this.”

Hands pulled at her breasts, rolling a nipple cruelly between their fingers before dragging their hands down her body, ignoring the writhing of the person beneath them.

They laughed. Pushing their fingers inside of her and pumping them violently, adding a finger each time until they were knuckle deep.

The Wraith on the table was screaming and traces of blood could be seen on the man’s fingers. He was talking the entire time, telling her exactly what he was going to do to her, probing further and further as he spoke. Her begging grew louder, mixing in with screams of pain.

The hands retreated and the camera angle dipped lower.

“You know I love it when you struggle.”

Wraith gasped, slamming the laptop closed as images flooded her brain, she didn't have to watch, she could remember. She leaned forward and vomited into the garbage can, a sob finally racking through her.

She didn’t speak for a long time and Elliott didn’t move to touch her. His presence was enough.

“I remember that. That’s what happens in my nightmares. I see his face, I feel him inside me. The hands. I still feel them but I didn’t know if they were real.”

“I’m so sorry.”

Wraith shook her head. She’d wanted to know and now she did.

“I was just a fucking toy to them. Something to play around with.”

Elliott’s mouth opened and closed but eventually he just nodded in defeat. There was nothing else to say.

Something inside Wraith was breaking, but she knew that she couldn’t crumble. Not this time. This wasn’t a time to fall apart. An eery calmness settled over her despite how ragged she felt. Her churning stomach turned to steel and she felt her resolve change. Controlling the rage that swirled inside her, Wraith snatched up the USB and stood, walking towards the stairs. Her feet moving of their own volition.

Elliott followed her, footsteps padding quietly behind her. A silent support.

Tae Joon opened his bedroom door before Wraith raised her hand to knock, face pained and apologetic, waiting to see what she had to say.

He caught the USB when she tossed it to him.

“I need you to destroy this. I don’t want anyone else to see it.”

He nodded without question, taking in the unnatural calmness in the tiny woman and seeing the danger within it for what it was.

“And I need you to find them. They’re not going to get away with this.”


End file.
